Eating Out: All You Can Eat Page #4

- What am I doing?

- Oh yeah.

Oh, f*** yeah.

You know what?

Enjoy being alone,

whack job.

- Found him!

- Wow, stalker much?

- What should I say?

- I'm a lonely psychopath

that look you up

within an hour of meeting you.

- Yes, I should wait

until morning.

- Then he'll think

you obsessed about him

all night.

Don't you know anything

about the internet?

You should make a fake profile.

- What?

- Pretend to be

a total random stranger

so you can find out

all his personal details.

People are honest

with strangers.

My fake name

is Tittsy Montgomery.

- I could find out

if he wants

a serious relationship.

- I was thinking more

like cock size but whatever.

You need the perfect

fake picture

and I know the perfect person.

- Holy rim job,

who is that?

- My incredibly hot ex BF,

Ryan.

He's a stripper.

He was supposed to be

my rebound after Troy

broke my heart

but he has a good tongue,

so I let him stay.

- Why did you break up

with that?

- What if your boyfriend

finds out?

- We have

an open relationship.

- Uhh, we do?

- Ryan, this is not

what it looks like.

- Neither is this.

- We had commitment issues.

Anyway, he moved to Tucson

so it's totally safe

to use his pictures.

- Why would I want Zack

to talk to someone

way hotter than I am.

- When's the last time

you opened up

to an ugly stranger?

Besides, you find out

what you need to know,

then Ryan will disappear.

A fake profile

is the perfect wingman.

- Okay.

Okay, let's do this.

What's my name?

- Ryan.

- Ryan.

Do you agree to the following

terms and conditions.

Number one,

GaySpaceBook.com...

- Agree, you nerd!

- You should really

read these things,

you never know.

- What are you, a pilgrim?

I bet you avoid

handicap spaces. And vote.

- Favorite movie?

Roman Holiday, of course.

Straight acting or not?

- Put, "I'm gay,

"why should I act anything

but what I am."

- Oh, you are scary good,

girl.

- Come on, breakup sex.

You are a hottie, let's hope

you're next door

cause I don't feel like driving.

blip-blip-blip-blip

- Looking for?

First I want to develop

something special with you,

then we f*** each other's

brains out.

Perfect combination

of romantic and nasty, right?

- Whatever,

no one reads those,

just write them.

- Oh yeah, oh...

- Yummy.

- Oh, my God, it's him.

What do I do?

What do I write?

- Write what you know.

Well, in your case, don't.

- You're not helping.

- Gotta play it cool.

- Hey.

That's so romantic.

- Kindly help

a broken hearted stranger

with hours of meaningless sex!

- Oh God, yes.

- So, get to know me.

- Oh sh*t!

Can he see us?

- No.

My camera's not on.

- Oh.

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