Easy to Wed Page #5

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Look, Gladdy, darling,

it won't be a real marriage.

All you do is go to

a justice of the peace, say, "I do..."

What do you mean it won't be real?

If I say, "I do," he says, "I do"...

...and the judge says,

"You bet you do," we're hitched.

Include me out. I'll have no part of it.

And neither will I.

- Here's your contract, Haggerty.

- Now, wait, wait.

You can't walk out on me.

You know the spot I'm in.

I'm sorry, Warren.

Well, look, couldn't we hire some girl

just to pose as your wife?

She catches you with the Allenbury dame

and we spread her all over the front page.

And maybe we can scare the Allenburys

into dropping the suit.

Well, it won't work legally,

but if you wanna take that chance.

I gotta take it. You hear that, Gladdy?

All you gotta do is pose for some pictures

and we scare the Allenburys.

What? What do you mean my picture

will scare the Allenburys?

All I mean is you go through the motions

of the wedding while Spike takes pictures.

I know a justice of the peace

who will play along.

You go through with the ceremony and he

forgets to sign the marriage certificate.

It's no dice, Gladdy. It's a phony.

Then Chandler goes his way,

you go your way...

...I go your way and everything clicks.

Oh, you gotta do this for me, Gladdy.

You just got to.

Brother, the things I do

for that newspaper.

- Let's go.

- Yes, let's.

Come on, Spike. Come on.

You wanna be late for the wedding?

You're really gonna get hitched.

Congra...

Not me. Chandler. Chandler and Gladdy.

Gladdy? Why, that's your girl.

Oh, I get it. It's a phony.

That's what they think,

but this is on the level.

Chandler wants a wife

and I'm gonna see that he gets one.

I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

- Well, aren't you going to kiss the bride?

- Oh, of course.

- May I kiss the bride?

- Why not? Everybody else is.

Well, aren't you going to kiss the bride?

Oh, yeah.

He's a friend of the family's.

A very old friend.

I hate to disturb this friendly gesture,

but I have to catch a plane to Mexico.

So you're spending your honeymoon

in Mexico, eh?

Oh, I am. She's been there before.

- Well, here's your marriage certificate.

- Thank you.

- How much do I owe you?

- Well, anything you think it's worth.

There's $2.

Goodbye. Well, let's go.

Oh, I think you'd better have

this little certificate.

You may want it for your hope chest.

Hey, wait a minute. He signed it.

- He signed it.

- He signed it?

Well, what do you know?

Why, you double-crossing...

Here you are, Dolan.

"Van Horn's Duck Shooting Manual,

Russell Van Horn."

"Guide to Duck Hunting, Willard Kope."

"The Duck, His Home and Habits,

Valdimar Kosgrove."

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