Easy to Wed Page #4

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...stipulates six months' salary

in advance, plus all my expenses.

- Let's forget the whole thing.

- Yeah, let's. Hold on, wait, wait, wait.

Wait.

You ought to be arrested for extortion.

The boys tell me

you want a job with the band.

I'm sorry but we're all filled up.

Thanks, Dick, but I've just signed

with Mr. Haggerty.

Okay.

- You're broke.

- You're crazy.

Why, you dirty, no-good,

double-crossing...

Oh, take it easy, Haggerty.

You'll get your money's worth.

Now, here's the plan.

The Allenburys are in Mexico City.

I'll take a plane down there,

register at the same hotel, meet the girl.

Perhaps she comes to my room.

- What?

- Just for a cocktail, of course.

All perfectly innocent to her,

to me, to everybody at the hotel...

...except to our private detective

who wires my wife.

You got a wife?

Well, not of my own, but we'll hire

some attractive girl to marry me.

And when the time comes, she stages

a scene over her erring husband...

...sues Connie

for alienation of affection.

Sensational.

We called Connie a husband stealer.

She denied it. We duplicate the situation.

This time, she does steal a husband.

This time we're on the beam.

Let her go with a suit after that

and see what she'll collect.

We gotta get a girl

for you to marry.

But it's gonna be somebody we can trust.

Wait a minute.

I've got the girl, the very girl.

Not bad. Not bad at all.

- Nice legs.

- You keep her legs out of it.

They come with her, don't they?

Let's go to her dressing room.

- Do you think she'll go for this deal?

- Why, the girl's crazy about me.

All I have to do is ask.

The answer is no.

- Listen, Gladdy, l...

- You listen to me, Warren Haggerty.

I've taken plenty from you

but this is the end.

Marrying me off to another guy,

to this blond baboon.

Baboons are very smart.

They can do anything a man can do.

- Give me that.

- Gladys, it's just for a month.

- Maybe only 30 days.

- Well, that's 30 days too long. Listen.

If you don't wanna marry me,

just say so.

Of course I wanna marry you,

but this comes first.

It's my only chance. I'll be fired.

No other newspaper will give me

a job as an office boy, will they, Bill?

Not if they know you like I do.

Gladdy, if you remembered Ed Glover,

remember when he lost that libel suit...

...and they found his car gone over a cliff

with a revolver in his hand?

- So?

- Do you want me to kill myself, Gladys?

Not until you change your insurance.

Would I permit you to help me

if I didn't consider you practically my wife?

Would you ask your wife

to hook up with that ape?

A ape can do anything a baboon can do.

- And let's leave personalities out of this.

- Bill...

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