Easy Six Page #3

So, what were you playing?

Craps.

Oh, craps. A big buddy of mine,

Jason, is a big craps player.

In Nam, he caught a chunk

of VC shrapnel...

right in the temple.

Doctors wouldn't remove it 'cause

they thought it would kill him...

so they left it in.

Only thing is now he can't get

too close to a magnetic field.

It gives him a big

f***ing headache.

But Jason's a craps player, right?

So he's got to stand

in the middle of the crap table.

- Do you want to ask why?

- Why?

Because each end of the craps table

is magnetized.

So if he gets too close to the ends,

he gets a big f***ing headache.

You look surprised.

Fixes in.

When a table gets on a roll,

the house switches out the dice.

They drop a pair of tricked dice

with metal in it...

make it turn sevens on their own,

and bust the table.

My buddy, poor sucker.

I gotta tell you:

he loses money like crazy.

I mean screaming crazy.

If he knows it's fakes, why doesn't

he bet the house? I did.

The guy's got a big piece of metal

in his f***ing head.

Me, I want to sue him, but I can't

find a lawyer, and he'll resent me.

Are you a lawyer?

Good, I hate those cocksuckers.

You're pretty quiet.

I like that sometimes.

Thinking.

Just thinking.

Are you a vet?

No, I'm not a vet.

Have you ever seen "Rambo"?

- I've heard of it.

- That was me.

- Really?

- John Rambo. It's based it on me.

I was a Special Forces

sniper, in Nam.

70 to 72.

Counter insurgents

behind enemy lines.

199 confirmed kills.

That's incredible.

Then, the war ended. Everything

turned to sh*t. Old story.

At least, you got to sell yours

to Hollywood.

What, are you kidding?

The f***ers stole it.

Changed everything into bullshit.

Sorry.

So... Can I ask you

a question about Elvis?

F*** Elvis.

Don't get me started

on f***ing Elvis.

I must be crazy.

I think I'm going to call you Pack.

Dr. Schmidt just sounds weird.

Something strange has happened

the last couple of days. It's as if...

something has changed.

I think it's good, Pack. Maybe

you're coming out of your shell.

Have a seat next to me.

So, in honor of your first time,

I'll give you Paradise Special...

for the price of the French Date.

That's intercourse.

Yeah, yeah, everything.

Just...

no extra girls, no equipment,

and no Socrates.

Socrates?

Up the ass, you know?

I don't do that.

Neither do I.

You'll do fine.

It will be fun. Just relax.

- I do a very convincing orgasm.

- You do?

So...

if you'd just go

in the wash basin and then...

- You know.

- I'm sorry, I don't.

Dick-check time.

So...

did Tracy Apples passed your class?

Yes. I gave her A minus.

Why?

Just 'cause she's pretty?

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