East Is East Page #4

For you, my love!

What the bleedin' hell is that?

Is good, I thinks. Bloody bargain!

It's an old barber's chair. The rubbish you bring in here!

It's not stoppin' there.

No bloody rubbish! Three bloody pounds!

I think it's bloody lovelies!

You want your head testing spendin' ten bob on that!

Come.

Come try for yourself.

Get off, you daft bleeder.

See?

- So comfortable. - Yeah, very bloody nice!

Yeah, good. Arms.

Look.

- Swivel. - Aah! [Laughs]

And!

Yah! [Laughing]

Get me off, you're gonna break me bloody neck!

You see? It's so relaxing.

Take more than this to make me relax around you.

You always relaxing with me, 'cause you're my lovely.

Tomorrow we go Bradford.

Maybe see film.

Hm? Mmm...

What's all this in aid of?

Want a cup of tea?

I'll have half a cup.

[Children's voices]

Sajid, comin' t'canal?. I'm getting some rats' tails.

I'm goin' to Bradford.

- He's gettin' rats' tails. - What for?

You get sixpence for 'em. My grandad said so.

He's havin' you on. Dad! The van's here!

[Ella from upstairs] Come on, you lot!

- Salaam-alacum. - Waalacum-salaam.

Eh? Heeey!

Why you no salaam me, eh?

Poppah Khalid, you're hurting me!

- Say salaam. - Come on.

Salaam-alacum.

Good boy.

What were your Abdul doing kissing that bloke?

Shut it, d*ckhead. It's Pakistani, they all do it.

Pigeon Dennis does it as well. He gave our kid a shilling.

- Did he heck. - More for a punch in the balls.

[Ella from outside] George! Come on!

[Ella] 0ut of the way, kids, thank you.

- Salaam. - Waalacum-salaam.

[Earnest] You look nice. [Meenah] Piss off, Pongo.

[Ella] George!

- Salaam-alacum. - Waalacum, Khalid.

Ella put him in bloody back. He's smelling.

Go in the back, cock.

[Bollywood music plays]

[Ella] They filmed ''The Dambusters'' there.

[Meenah] Mam, you say that every time.

Well, they bloody did!

And less of your cheek, lady.

Ah... You never know what bloody happens, you see.

I come here in 1937.

I here maybe one year...

And I make a bloody film. [Laughs]

Were you the star?

[Whispers] Shut it now!

[George] No bloody star, stupid.

I was shouting in a bloody crowd.

''I kill bloody English!''

[All laugh]

When I come this country I have no luggage.

Today what I got?

You've got a chip shop, Dad.

Yes, own bloody business, see?

Everybody happy in this town, see?

I don't care how bleedin' big their grins are,

we're not movin' here.

Stupid.

There's hundreds of 'em.

[Spacehopper bursts]

- [Boy] Thanks a lot, mister! - [Khalid] Sorry.

- That was new. - I buy you new one.

[Man] He should send in the army

and sort out these Bengalis once and for all!

[Talking in Urdu]

[Man] Bastard...bastard!

[General chat in Urdu]

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