Due Date Page #5

-Dad!

-l'm sorry. I got it. I got it, I got it.

Okay. God Almighty, holy moly.

It's like l'm traveling with a child.

-Did you use the restroom?

-l need to take a pee-pee.

[LINE RINGS]

SARAH:
Peter?

-Crisis averted, l'm driving.

-Driving how?

-Let me talk to her.

With a guy-- Please don't.

With a guy that l met in a rent-a-car.

You're gonna drive 2000 miles

with a guy you just met?

Say hi to--

Sarah? Hi, this is Ethan Tremblay.

I'm riding with Peter. How are you?

I'm fine. How are you?

Good, good. l wanted to let you know

I have your package, and he is A-okay.

And I will have him

delivered by Thursday.

Thank you so much.

Hey, Sarah? One other thing.

Do you have a hairdresser out West?

I got this killer perm,

and it needs major upkeep.

I'm sorry, did you say

that you have a perm?

Yeah, a perm. Like a permanent.

PETER:
It's heinous.

ETHAN:
Do you mind?

-Can l just talk to my husband, please?

-Yeah. Okay, hold on.

-She wants to talk to you.

-l know.

-So that's what l'm dealing with.

-Oh, my God.

PETER:

Yep. God bless us all.

[BUZZES]

-Stop worrying.

-l'm not worried.

She's very legitimate.

I found her on Craigslist.

WOMAN:

Who is it?

Fantastic.

ETHAN:

Hi. lt's Ethan. I called you earlier.

Honestly, like two minutes, okay?

Just buy it and then go.

-Hey.

-Hi.

-That was fast.

-Yeah, we were very close.

I'm Ethan, this is Peter.

-Are you a cop?

-Why? Are you not a licensed pharmacist?

Okay, you just look really official.

And you know if l ask you if you're a cop

and you are a cop, you have to say yes.

That's a myth. That's actually incorrect.

But l'm not.

-No, he's an architect.

-l'm an architect. So....

-Wait, it's a myth?

-Yeah.

Sh*t! I did not know that

this whole f***ing time.

-That's good news.

-You're f***ing scary, is what you are.

-Come in. The pharmacy's in the kitchen.

-Thank you.

Hey, Peter, can you watch my kids just for

five minutes, while we han-- You know.

-Real quick.

-Thanks.

Who are you?

I'm Peter.

I'm Alex. This is Patrick.

Great. Alex. Mommy gave you

a boy's name.

What's that supposed to mean?

Alex is also a name for a boy.

So your mom kind of screwed you.

Sorry, my hand slipped.

That one l just got in. lt's an Afghan blend

of Wild Widow and AK-47.

You know, I'm not crazy about blends.

I find that the high is a bit shapeless.

A purist. Well, that's cool.

You'd probably love Northern Lights.

I mean, this has got great body.

It smokes like a f***ing dream.

Oh, that's just Barry.

He's renting a room from me.

Hey, Barry. How you doing? I'm Ethan.

Listen, did you remember to TiVo

Judge Mathis?

HElDI:
Yeah. lt's on there,

if you just look at the menu.

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