Don Jon Page #3

but it still sucks. So...

Also, nowadays you got so much

to choose from, finding just the right clip

can take a lot of time.

And my time is precious to me.

Yeah, I got sh*t to do. So...

And, every once in a while,

you find a clip that's so good,

it's f***ing depressing.

And you're thinking to yourself,

why can't real p*ssy be like this?

You know, I smash new girls

all the f***ing time,

always an eight or better, and it's still

never this good. What am I doing wrong?

Maybe it's time to try

something new. So...

Yo, you remember that dime from last

week?

Oh, sh*t.

The blonde in the dress?

She was insane, bro. You hit that?

No, I didn't, you f***ing alcoholic,

I saw you after she left.

- F*** you, Jonny!

- I thought you made that happen.

- I threw it to this other random.

- Typical.

- Probably an eight or nine.

- Six or seven.

Shut the f*** up!

Who'd you take home, huh?

Twos and threes, baby. I'm telling you,

twos and threes are some

open-minded ladies.

- I wanna find that girl.

- You get her name?

- Her name?

- First and last name.

I'm looking for her name,

first and last name.

Sh*t, I don't know. You know who would?

- Barbara Sugarman.

- Sugarman?

Thanks, bro.

- OK, what was it again?

- Barbara Sugarman.

- You see her anywhere?

- No.

- Oh, sh*t!

- That's her?

- That's definitely her.

- Oh! Got you, b*tch!

What you wanna say?

You gotta say something.

- Really?

- A girl that bad gets mad friend requests.

- F***!

- I think it's dinner. Maybe even lunch.

Might have to take this girl

out for coffee.

- Christ!

- Yeah, this is the long game.

You're not getting that butt from Barbara

Sugarman anytime in the immediate future.

If you had it like that,

it would have went down.

You're right. You're totally right. Sh*t!

I know, I was about to say, the

mighty Don bringing out the long game?

- She's a dime, but...

- This girl's more than a dime.

Come on, son. There's no such thing,

that's the point,

it's a scale from one to ten.

- I'm saying, this girl...

- Oh, my God!

- You in love with this girl already?

- Go f*** yourself.

- Hi.

- Can I help you?

- Yeah, two for lunch.

- Sure. Right this way.

Hey.

- How are you?

- Good. Good. How you been?

- How did you get my Facebook?

- Oh. Getting right to it.

- Yeah.

- I just looked up your name.

- I didn't tell you my name.

- Obviously you did, 'cause I looked it up.

- No, I definitely did not tell you my name.

- Yeah, you did.

- I think I would remember.

- No offense, but you were pretty wasted

- the other night. So was I.

- Can I get you some drinks?

- Diet Coke, please.

- A Coke.

Coke and a Diet Coke.

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