Don Jon

Synopsis: Jon Martello objectifies everything in his life: his apartment, his car, his family, his church, and, of course, women. His buddies even call him Don Jon because of his ability to pull "10s" every weekend without fail. Yet even the finest flings don't compare to the transcendent bliss he achieves alone in front of the computer watching pornography. Dissatisfied, he embarks on a journey to find a more gratifying sex life, but ends up learning larger lessons of life and love through relationships with two very different women.
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance
Production: Relativity Media
  2 wins & 27 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
90 min

Yo, not gonna lie.

This sound...

...gets me hard as a f***ing rock.

But I don't like to go too fast

right off the bat.

I'd rather work my way into it,

nice and easy.

So I'll start off with some stills.

Then, once I'm getting into it,

I start looking for a video.

I never actually touch my cock

till I find the right clip.

Then, once I do...


For the next few minutes,

all the bullshit fades away,

and the only thing in the world

is those tits...

...that ass...

...the blowj*b, the cowboy,

the doggy, the moneyshot, and that's it.

I don't gotta say anything,

I don't gotta do anything.

I just f***ing lose myself.

There's only a few things

I really care about in life.

My body... pad... ride... family...

Amen. church... boys... girls...

...and my porn.

I know that last one sounds weird,

but I'm just being honest.

Nothing else does it for me the same way.

Not even real p*ssy.

And, yo, I get plenty of that.

Why you think my boys call me The Don?

- Jonny-Boy!

- Don Jon, what's good, baby?

- What up?

- You good?

- I'm all right.

- Jonny, look at me.

- Everything good with you?

- What's the matter with this guy?

- Come here, you animal!

- Get the f*** off of me!

Real talk, real talk. Purple.

- That's not bad.

- It's better than "not bad."

- You ain't see her turn around.

- You calling her a seven?

- An eight. At least an eight.

- That is not an eight.

She's cute in the face, you can maybe

call the face an eight, tits are a four.

Yeah, but the butt, man, it's exceptional.

I'm telling you. It changes everything.

- Sh*t!

- What?

- Sequins. Don't look. Don't look.

- What? Who is that?

- You don't remember her?

- She's coming over here.

'Cause you're staring right at her.

- Look who the f*** it is.

- How you doing?

- Why didn't you call me back?

- Come on. You're a grown woman.

Did you think I was gonna call you back?

You're pathetic, you know that?

Every week you got a new b*tch.

Then why'd you come home with me?

F*** you!

- Eight.

- No, that might be a nine.

- You shitting me? That's a seven.

- You're out of your f***ing mind!

I gave you the eight,

your record's intact. Chill out.

You heard what she said?

Everyone knows about the streak.

- You're sick. You know that?

- I don't know what's wrong with me.

- Oh, my... damn!

- What? What? Where?

- Red.

- Holy sh*t! That's a dime.

- That is a dime.

- Nah, she's hot, but it's not a dime.

I don't even mess with blondes like that,

but that there is a dime!

- F*** yeah.

- I don't know, there might be

- some lasagna up in there.

- I don't think so.

Definitely not.

She keep her sh*t tight, you can tell.

- No. I don't know.

- See, he likes that skinny sh*t.

He likes that skinny, high-fashion,

looks-like-a-boy sh*t.

- F*** you!

- Admit it!

- He's kind of right, man, you do.

- I don't like more than a handful of titty.

No, no, no, no, no. No. A nice handful, I

love it, but more than that, it's like no!

Sh*t starts to remind me

of my mom or something.

- Jesus Christ.

- Your mom do got some big-ass titties.

- Don't talk about my mother.

- You brought up your mother.

If you don't like that,

there's something wrong with you.

I didn't say I didn't like it.

I said it's not a dime.

- That's incorrect.

- She's taller than you anyway.

- F*** you, Jonny.

- I'm playing, come on.

You gonna get that?

Let me get a vodka-cranberry.

- Jonny!

- Sammy-boy, how you doing?

- You good?

- Let me get a Grey Goose and soda.

- What makes you think you could do that?

- Do what?

- Get the f*** out of here.

- You wanna go somewhere?

- F*** you.

- You wanna f*** me?

- Is that why you kissed me?

- I didn't kiss you.

Yeah, you did.

Stop it, I mean it. Stop it.

Come on. Let me buy you a drink.

It's early.

- Where you going?

- I told you where I was going.

Come on! Wait a minute!


Yo. Headband.

Nah, I don't know.

See? This is what I'm saying.

Real p*ssy's all good. But I'm sorry.

It's not as good as porn.






Sure, it's f***ing fantastic

in person... if she'll do it.

But in real life, if you wanna get head,

you gotta give head.

Lower. Not that low!

I know, some geys love

eating p*ssy,

But the thing about those guys is,

they're f***ing crazy.

Don't get me wrong,

I like a good p*ssy-eating clip.

But, from down here,

there's nothing good about this.

And if she does finally decide

to do you the big favor...

...she's in a f***ing hurry.

Now, when it comes to the

actual f***ing...

First of all, condoms are terrible.

They just are.

But you gotta wear one, 'cause,

unlike porn, real p*ssy can kill you.

Second of all, missionary is the

worst position in all of f***ing.

The tits lie flat,

you can't see her ass,

you can't touch her ass,

'cause she's lying on her back.

They won't let you do it from behind,

'cause they wanna look at you.

And basically it's on

me to do all the work.

Moneyshot? No.

There is no real-life moneyshot.

Real girls won't do that sh*t. You

just gotta cum into the f***ing condom.

So, you tell me, which looks better?


Or this?

Jesus! What are you f***ing retarded?!

You're f***ing retarded!

You're a retarded person

and you're driving a f***ing car!

In the name of the Father,

the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

- Amen. Bless you, my son.

Rate this script:3.0 / 2 votes

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Joseph Leonard Gordon-Levitt (; born February 17, 1981) is an American actor, filmmaker, singer, and entrepreneur. As a child, Gordon-Levitt appeared in the films A River Runs Through It, Angels in the Outfield, and 10 Things I Hate About You, and as Tommy Solomon in the TV series 3rd Rock from the Sun. He took a break from acting to study at Columbia University, but dropped out in 2004 to pursue acting again. He has since starred in (500) Days of Summer, Inception, Hesher, 50/50, Premium Rush, The Dark Knight Rises, Brick, Looper, The Lookout, Manic, Lincoln, Mysterious Skin, and G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. He portrayed Philippe Petit in the Robert Zemeckis-directed film The Walk (2015), and whistleblower Edward Snowden in the Oliver Stone film Snowden (2016). For his leading performances in (500) Days of Summer and 50/50, he was nominated for the Golden Globe Award for Best Actor – Motion Picture Musical or Comedy. Gordon-Levitt also founded the online production company hitRECord in 2004 and has hosted his own TV series, HitRecord on TV, since January 2014, winning the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Creative Achievement in Interactive Media - Social TV Experience in the same year. In 2013, Gordon-Levitt made his feature film directing and screenwriting debut with Don Jon, in which he also stars. He previously directed and edited two short films, both of which were released in 2010: Morgan M. Morgansen's Date with Destiny and Morgan and Destiny's Eleventeenth Date: The Zeppelin Zoo. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Don Jon" STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 May 2024. <>.

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