Doctor Who The Lodger Page #4

Season #5 Episode #11

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[Doctor's room]

The Doctor:
I can't go up there until I know what it is and how to deal with it. And it is vital that this man upstairs doesn't realise who and what I am. So no sonicking. No advanced technology. I can only use this because we're on scramble. To anyone else hearing this conversation, we're talking absolute gibberish.

[Craig's room]

The Doctor[OC]:
Practical eruption in chicken. Descartes Lombardy spiral.

[Doctor's room]

The Doctor:
Now all I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong?

Amy [OC]:
Have you seen you?

The Doctor:
So you're just going to be snide. No helpful hints?

[TARDIS]

Amy:
Here's one. Bowtie. Get rid.

[Doctor's room]

The Doctor:
Bow ties are cool. Come on, Amy, I'm a normal bloke. Tell me what normal blokes do.

AMY [OC]:
They watch telly, they play football

[TARDIS]

Amy:
They go down the pub.

[Doctor's room]

[Tardis]

The Doctor:
I could do these things. I don't, but I could.

(Bang upstairs.)

The Doctor:
Hang on. Wait, wait, wait. Amy?

(The Tardis is going crazy and the hands on the Doctor's alarm clock and wrist watch are going backwards and forwards very rapidly.)

The Doctor:
Interesting. Localised time loop.

[Tardis]

Amy:
Ow. What's all that?

[Doctor's room]

The Doctor:
Time distortion. Whatever's happening upstairs is still affecting you.

(Lights are flashing in the upstairs flat. The woman is screaming.)

[Tardis]

Amy:
It's stopped. Ish.

[Doctor's room]

Amy [OC]:
How about your end?

The Doctor:
My end's good.

Amy [OC]:
So

[Tardis]

Amy:
Doesn't sound great, but nothing to worry about?

[Doctor's room]

The Doctor:
No, no, no, not really. Just keep the zigzag plotter on full.

[Tardis]

The Doctor [OC]:
That'll protect you.

AMY:
Ow.

[Doctor's room]

The Doctor:
Amy, I said the zigzag plotter.

[Tardis]

Amy:
I pulled the zigzag plotter.

[Doctor's room]

The Doctor:
What, you're standing with the door behind you?

[Tardis]

Amy:
Yes.

[Doctor's room]

The Doctor:
Okay, take two steps to your right and pull it again. Now I must not use the sonic.

[Tardis]

The Doctor [OC]:
Need to pick up a few items.

AMY:
Hey.

[Aickman Road]

(The Doctor returns to the terrace with a shopping trolley full of miscellanea. A cat meows.)

The Doctor:
Shush. Don't get comfortable.

[Corridor]

(Craig is waiting for the bathroom. The Doctor is singing to the tune of La Donna e mobile.)

The Doctor [OC]:
Ta ra ra boom de ay quanda rilo, something is happening.)

Craig:
Doctor.

The Doctor [OC]:
Hello?

Craig:
How long are you going to be in there?

The Doctor [OC]:
Oh, sorry. I like a good soak.

(Banging from upstairs.)

Craig:
What the hell was that?

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