Doctor Who The Lodger

Season #5 Episode #11

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[Aickman Road]

(The TARDIS materializes in a small park. The Doctor pokes his head outs and looks around.)

THE DOCTOR:

No, Amy, it's definitely not the fifth moon of Cindie Colesta. I think I can see a Ryman's.

(The Doctor is then blown out of the TARDIS as it begins to dematerialize.)

THE DOCTOR:

Amy! Amy!

[Tardis]

(The Tardis is shaking and sparks are flying of the console)

AMY:

Doctor? Its saying we're on Earth. Essex, Colchester.

[Aickman Road]

Doctor:

Amy! Amy.

(One day later. A young man is walking down the sidewalk next to the flats. He stops when he hears a voice.)

MAN[OC]:
Hello? Hello, please? Hello? I need your help. There's been an accident. Please, I need your help.

(The young man goes up to the door as it opens. The voice is coming from the intercom for two flats, 79a and 79b.)

[House]

(The upstairs light is flickering as the young man walks up the stairs.)

Steven:
Hello?

MAN [OC]:
Please, will you help me?

STEVEN:
Help you? What's wrong?

(A figure is standing at the top of the stairs.)

MAN:
Something terrible's happened. Please help me.

(Steven goes up the stairs)

[Craig's Flat]

(It's composed of a kitchen and a living room. Sophie is looking at the rot while Craig is distracted.)

Sophie:
Craig, what's that on the ceiling?

CRAIG:
What's what on the ceiling?

SOPHIE:
That. It's coming from upstairs.

(A damp stain in the corner.)

SOPHIE:
Who lives up there again?

CRAIG:
Just some bloke.

(The stain spreads.)

CRAIG:
So what's the plan tonight? Pizza, booze, telly?

SOPHIE:
Yeah, pizza, booze, telly.

(Bang! upstairs.)

SOPHIE:
What is he doing up there? You put the advert up yet?

CRAIG:
Yeah, did it today, paper shop window. One furnished room available immediately, shared kitchen, bathroom, with twenty seven year old male, non-smoker, four hundred pound pcm, per calendar month, suit young professional.

SOPHIE:
Mmm, sounds ideal. That's your mission in life, Craig. Find me a man.

CRAIG:
Yeah, otherwise you'll have to settle for me.

SOPHIE:
You'll have to settle for me first.

(Sophie answers her phone.)

SOPHIE:
Oh, Melina again. What? Right. Yeah, but I've kind of got plans. No, it's nothing important, it's just Craig.

(Craig sees the stain spreading again and hears her comment.)

CRAIG:
Oh, thanks, Soph.

SOPHIE:
Sorry. You know what I mean. Okay, I'll talk to Craig. Okay. Now she's having a Dylan crisis on top of the Clare crisis. It could be another all-nighter. I'm sorry, but I really should go. Do you mind if I go?

CRAIG:
No, not at all. No, honestly. Course not. Go.

SOPHIE:
Because I could stay.

CRAIG:
No, go on.

SOPHIE:
I mean, we've got plans.

CRAIG:
Just pizza.

SOPHIE:
Yeah, it's just pizza. Okay, right, I'm going.

CRAIG:
All right, then. Well, er, I'll see you soon.

SOPHIE:
Yeah.

CRAIG:
All right. And give me a call, and I hope everything's okay.

SOPHIE:
Thanks, sorry.

(Sophie leaves the flat and hears noises from upstairs, then footsteps. She leaves the house.)

CRAIG:
Just tell her. Just tell her. I love you. I love you. Oh, just. Hey, I don't know if you knew. Oh.

(The doorbell rings.)

CRAIG:
Every time.

(Sophie has left her keys behind on a fluffy pink key ring, so he picks them up and goes to the front door.)

CRAIG:
I love you. I love you.

[Front Door]

(Craig opens the door and expects to see Sophie but finds the Doctor.)

Craig:
I love you.

The Doctor:
Well that's good cause I'm your new lodger.

(Craig is dumbfounded as The Doctor takes Sophie's keys.)

The Doctor:
You know, this is going to be easier than I expected.

Craig:
But I only put out the advert today. I didn't put my address.

The Doctor:
Well aren't you lucky I came along? More lucky than you know. Less of young professional, more of an ancient amatuer. But frankly I'm an absolute dream.

Craig:
Hang on a minute. I don't know if I want you staying here. And give me back those keys. You can't have those.

The Doctor:
Yes, quite right. Have some rent.

(The Doctor hands Craig a brown paper bag with a lot of money in it.)

The Doctor:
That's probably quite a lot isn't it. Looks like a lot. Is it a lot? I can never tell.

(The Doctor walks past Craig and goes inside the flat.)

DOCTOR:
Don't spend it all on sweets, unless you like sweets. I like sweets.

(The Doctor gives Craig two kisses in the air. Craig is disturbed by this.)

The Doctor:
That's how we greet each other nowadays, isn't it? I'm the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor. I don't know why. I call me the Doctor, too. Still don't know why.

CRAIG:
Craig Owens. The Doctor?

DOCTOR:
Yep. Who lives upstairs?

CRAIG:
Just some bloke.

DOCTOR:
What's he look like?

CRAIG:
Normal. He's very quiet.

(Crash.)

CRAIG:
Usually. Sorry, who are you again? Hello?

[Living Room]

CRAIG:
Excuse me?

DOCTOR:
Ah. I suppose that's dry rot?

CRAIG:
Or damp. Or mildew.

DOCTOR:
Or none of the above.

CRAIG:
I'll get someone to fix it.

DOCTOR:
No, I'll fix it. I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor, don't call me the Rotmeister. This is the most beautiful parlour I have ever seen. You're obviously a man of impeccable taste. I can stay, Craig, can't I? Say I can.

CRAIG:
You haven't even seen the room.

DOCTOR:
The room?

CRAIG:
Your room.

DOCTOR:
My room? Oh, yes. My room. My room. Take me to my room.

[Doctor's Room]

CRAIG:
Yeah, this is Mark's old room. He owns the place. Moved out about a month ago. This uncle he'd never even heard of died and left a load of money in the will.

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