Dinner for Schmucks Page #3

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He looks good in a pair

of hooves. What can I say?

So, are you gonna tell me

what happened today?

I think I might've

gotten that promotion.

Really? Oh, my God, that's amazing.

- Well...

- When? When do you start?

All right, well, it's not

official yet. It's not official.

- There's this dinner.

- Good. When is it?

- it's Saturday.

- OK. We can do that.

No, it's not really

a girlfriend type thing.

It's really the guys from the office.

- And we have to bring a person.

- What do you mean, "a person?"

A person with a skill

or a talent of some kind.

Are you talking about strippers,

here? 'Cause I'm not...

No, no. Nothing like that. No.

We have to bring an idiot

to dinner to make fun of them.

- OK, that is messed up.

- I know,

- I know.

- So you told them you're not going.

Oh, yeah. No, absolutely.

Tell Fender I can't make the dinner.

Tell him my back thing is acting up,

and I have to stay

in bed for a few days.

Why don't I just tell him

you're having your period?

Um, I can't stay

on this floor anymore.

These people are pathetic!

Happy birthday, Carol.

Why can? you just suck it up,

make fun of some idiots and stop

thinking about yourself for once?

Susana, I know this

is painful for you,

but sometimes in life

you have to do the right thing.

Just lie. l!'s not that hard.

I'm texting a lie right now!

Jesus Christ!

Are you OK?

Yeah, I'm OK.

- Is that a Porsche?

- Yeah.

I have been hit by a Datsun before.

- Never a Porsche.

- Oh, man...

- Barry Speck.

- Tim Conrad.

Are you sure you're OK?

I didn't see you. What were you doing?

Well, I saw this little guy in

the street, I was trying to save him.

- I think it's dead.

- Yes, that's why he couldn't run away.

A couple more seconds,

you would've squished him.

Nice pelt, though.

Ready?

I hope those aren't for your lawyer.

No. I would rather

not have lawyers get involved.

All right, I get it.

You said you were fine, but...

What would it take

to keep the lawyers out?

Five.

Five dollars.

I don't... What do you mean?

- Ten dollars.

- Seriously, what? Come on.

How much do you want?

- Hundred dollars.

- I don't want anything.

- Five hundred dollars.

- I don'!... It's OK.

- All right...

- As long as you're OK, then...

Ten thousand!

OK, I'll take ten thousand dollars.

I don't have ten thousand dollars.

You know what? Don't worry about it.

- Really?

- Yeah. As long as you're OK.

- You're a good person.

- No... It's all right.

- Get out of the road!

- You are. You're a good person.

- Thank you.

- No, you really are.

- You're a really nice person.

- All right, well, as long as you're OK,

- that's OK.

- Thanks. Thank you.

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