Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star Page #5

And, Dickie,

they don't give out giant Rob

Reiner parts to guys like us.

And I'll bet you

a thousand dollars...

I'll make it a hundred dollars...

and the actual football we used

to hit Marcia in the face with

in that "Oh, My Nose, My Nose"

episode,

Brendan Frazier never calls.

Hold, please.

No freakin' way.

Go for Dickie.

"Go for Dickie."

Brendan.

Of course I can meet Rob

Reiner tomorrow at noon.

You're the coolest.

You came through.

Thank you.

Oh, my God! He did it!

Sidney, this is the big one.

I'm telling you, I can feel it.

Thanks for letting me

use your car.

You go, son. Go.

You hang on to that energy.

Oh, I will. I'm going

to nail this bastard.

All right, now, remember:

You believe, you'll receive.

You doubt, you'll go without.

Oh, here's my song.

I got to go.

It is the night

My body's weak

I'm on the run,

no time to sleep

Word to your mother.

I'm going to ride

Ride like the wind

To be a star again

Changing the words,

not the vibe.

Whoo-hoo! This part is mine!

Boom.

Hold the door!

Okay.

Hold it.

I've got it.

Ooh!

Oh.

Hello?

Of course.

Listen, sorry about that.

It's just I couldn't

be late to see Rob.

Yikes! I mean, not yikes.

I mean, what bump?

Hey, are these

Mr. Blake's Backyard?

Can I have one?

Everybody in town

is dying to read it,

but this script is on a

complete and total lockdown.

However...

I'll sneak you a copy

'cause I recognize

you from that TV show.

- Ooh, you will?

- Sure.

Although you'll have to wait

until hell freezes over,

a**hole!

Yes?

Yeah.

Mr. Reiner will see you now.

Okay.

Dickie Roberts!

This is nucking futs!

Say it.

This is nucking futs!

Hilarious.

Now say it in Spanish.

Aw, I'm kidding ya.

So Nicholson says

to Tom Cruise...

you know, in that...

that Jack voice of his...

"That Demi Moore

is a really good actress.

"We should re-title the movie

A Few Good Men and One Damn,

Hot Chick with Huge B*obs."

Didn't I see you

parking cars

at Morton's Restaurant?

Me?

Yes, you did.

I'm researching

a role for a movie,

and that movie

is called Valet Parkers.

But you know what?

If I got your movie, I'd turn

that thing down. Who cares?

So this part...

I mean, you are exactly

the height that I imagined.

You have the right build,

the right hair,

the right basic look.

Know this:

I will do any form

of drastic cosmetic surgery

to change my appearance

to help the look.

But... and this

is a very big but...

this is a huge acting part.

I mean, the entire movie

hinges on this performance.

And, Dickie, I just don't think

you could handle it.

I mean, because, well...

because you're

not a real person.

Not real?

I don't mean to insult you.

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