Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo Page #4

man-whoring, were you not?

Look, I wasn't really man-whoring...

Please, Mr. Bigalow.

I've heard this a thousand times.

You were cold, you were frightened.

He took you under his arm

and fed you.

He made you feel sexy.

He told you how to hide money

in every orifice.

But your friend is obviously a killer.

T.J.'s not a killer.

If he isn't a murderer...

...then what was he doing

checking out a dead man's penis?

I guess he was curious.

He heard it was big and juicy...

...and wanted to see for himself.

A lot of guys do that.

No, they don't.

Okay.

T.J.'s gay.

- Really?

- Not normal-gay, but, you know...

...crazy-gay, you know?

Musical-theater-gay.

Is that why he puts lipstick...

...on all his victims?

Wait a minute.

In the alley, I heard

someone whistling.

And I saw someone.

A woman...

...in a leopard coat.

People see a lot of crazy things

when they're high on spacecake.

There's drugs in spacecake?

Mr. Bigalow, I will find your pimp

whether you help me or not.

- T.J., thank God you're here.

- How'd you find me?

It's the only chicken

and waffle place in Holland.

So a black man's gotta be

at a chicken and waffles place?

That's racist.

- But you are here.

- Yeah, but figuring it out is racist.

- It's a nice place.

- Did you know Holland invented...

...chicken and waffles?

- Really?

Before that, you could only

get chicken or waffles.

But they were the first

to put them together.

Black people all over the world will be

forever grateful to the Dutch for that.

You do know the Dutch

started the slave trade.

Those motherfuckers!

Who let them print this?

Look, we're gonna prove

that you didn't kill anyone.

I don't give a damn about that.

It's the "extremely gay" part.

If I'm a murderer, they'll welcome

me home with open arms.

Get out of jail and

become a huge rapper.

But a gay pimp?

- Like, where I'm going? Vermont?

- Look, T. J...

...I think I saw the real killer.

It was a woman.

Some she-john went

on a he-b*tch killing spree...

...because she wasn't satisfied

with a Filthy Lopez.

- What's a Filthy Lopez?

- Forty bucks. Same as downtown.

All we do is find the she-johns that

went out with the dead gigolos.

- One of them is our killer.

- Makes sense.

- You gotta get back on the horse.

- Horse? What horse?

The man-whore horse.

We gonna use your

white ass as bait.

Bait? Look, I'm not man-whoring.

We'll find the killer

using your twat-sicle.

Twat-sicle? Gross! No.

Give this to my mama.

Tell her I'm sorry I was

a disappointment to her.

Sorry I called her friends

in the middle of the night...

...when I was pleasuring myself.

And tell her she don't have to worry

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