Deliver Us from Eva Page #4

You ought to be exempt

from taxes for that sh*t.

Nothing Mike couldn't do. No,

I turned in my player card.

I'm practically engaged to

a beautiful woman named Bethany.

Congratulations.

Thank you, thank you.

She's gorgeous too, but not

as fine as her sister, Eva.

- Yeah, I can't even front.

- I wish I was good enough for Eva.

- I wish I was her garbage, man. Look.

- Pow!

She's cute. But why is

she scowling like that?

Her face is so tight.

That's her sexy smirk.

She ain't scowling.

Right. Right.

W- W-What's c-c-cracking,

f- fellas?

B- B*tch!

Whoa!

B*tch!

Hey! Hey!

Back over here, man.

Don't pay the retard-

The drinking

- He got out early. That's all.

Ray, how would you like

to meet Eva?

- Is she giving it up?

- "Is she giving it up?"

- Man, she's double-jointed. - She's

lookin' up at her feet every night.

- Bumping her head on the headboard, all that.

- That's right.

So I only have one question:

What's wrong with her?

Nothing.

Nothing. Nothing.

So three grown men

walk into a bar...

to hook up a man

for a perfectly good woman.

What is it? She got five kids, a violent ex

- con boyfriend?

Is she one of those evil, nasty sisters

who beats a brother down till he's dust?

- What is it?

- It's the ex- con thing, bro.

- Darrell!

- Ray, Ray, look, I gotta be honest with you.

Eva is a piece of work, but we're prepared

to make it worth your while to take her out.

You're gonna pay me

to go out with her?

Are you worried that that

makes you look like a gigolo?

- No. I mean, I kind of like that aspect.

- Okay!

All right.

I'm in a financial bind.

My landlord is selling my house.

I need cash to buy it.

Man, that is perfect. Then we

all can benefit from this deal.

Here's what we need you to do:

Take her out for a couple of months.

Not just distract her,

but make her fall hard for you.

I can definitely do that.

And I love a challenge.

Really, she can't be

all that bad, can she?

Eva's sisters gave her a cross

with Jesus on it for her birthday.

- The next day,Jesus was gone.

- You're kidding, right?

No. When you do it, you have to

make her fall in love with you,

then you tell her you're leaving

town and get her to go with you.

- Then you can dump her. It'll take her years to relocate.

- Yes!

Time out. I'm sorry. This ain't

my kind of thing, you know.

I'm a lover, not a con man. Mike,

let's hang out sometime, okay?

But, Ray-

Get him a drink.

Take another look at her.

That's not a zero.

But think about it, Ray.

You just had to bring up

theJesus thing.

He got muscles. I didn't

think he'd be scared of her.

Hey, I went out with that construction

guy yesterday. The cute one?

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