Defending Your Life Page #6

I hope so. Who are you?

-I'm Julia.

-Hi. I'm Daniel.

-You know me?

-I thought I did.

You weren't in the bus, were you?

-What bus?

-I hit a bus.

No. I don't think so.

Sit down.

I'm sorry, you really look...

-...so familiar to me.

-Really?

Maybe because I'm the only man

under 100.

That could be it.

I want to tell you a true story.

Three months ago,

six dead people came in.

Obviously, humor has nothing to do

with brain size.

Obviously.

Do you want to take a walk

or do you want to stay and see the show?

I have to. That's my dad.

I'm kidding.

-That would be so sad for me.

-Awful.

So, the moral of the story is,

if you got to fart, go outside.

Let's go.

Folks, please.

-Please, you don't want to miss the song.

-We'll get the record.

Please.

Ed and I'd like to do a beautiful song.

One of your favorites.

We'll do it a bit different.

This is from me...

...to you.

"That was life

"That's how you lived it

"And now you Little Brains

are here to defend it"

I'm glad we stayed.

Let's go.

"You'll do just swell and if not

"You'll go to hell" Just kidding!

-What's that?

-What?

I don't believe you.

You'll make a great baby in the next life.

Didn't anyone ever tell you,

you carry yourself very stiffly?

Leave me alone. I'm dead.

-How many days are you looking at?

-My lawyer says nine.

-You call him a "Iawyer"?

-What do you call yours?

Sam.

You call him by his first name?

It never occurred to me to do that.

I bet you called everybody

by their first names.

What was your butcher's name?

Pete.

-What about your mailman?

-Jesse. What was your mailman's name?

No idea.

He was coming to my house

for over a decade and I couldn't tell you.

-Didn't you get him a Christmas present?

-Liquor. I just put it in the box.

-I don't suppose you had a butcher?

-Steve.

-Steve Rubin.

-Seriously?

He wasn't a professional butcher.

He was a buddy who liked to cut meat.

You'd bring him a steak, he'd cut it.

-How many days are you looking at?

-Four.

That's all?

That means you'll go on.

I hope so.

-Sam thinks so.

-Sam does?

Yeah.

I hope you and Sam are very happy.

I'll write to you from hell.

I like this.

-Were you married?

-Yes.

-Children?

-No.

What about you?

I had a girl and I adopted a boy.

How old were they?

Stephanie was 7 and Adam was 9.

I bet they miss you.

I'm sure they do.

I miss them.

But I feel okay about it. Don't you?

I didn't know them that well.

It does, it feels okay.

They say they make it that way so we

can look at our lives without distractions.

My lawyer Bob told me the same thing.

But wouldn't you call this...

...a distraction?

-But isn't eating all you want a distraction?

Rate this script:4.8 / 15 votes