Deep in the Heart of Texas: Dave Chappelle Live at Austin City Page #4

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"You got diarrhea?

Just eat a banana, nigga.

Drink some water. Let's get to the club.

We can still make last call."

Tough time for the blacks.

These are not good times for the blacks.

You know what I'm talking about, right?

Police are killing us again.

It's a very unfortunate

set of circumstances,

because we were doing very well.

You know, America has a racial hot seat.

I think we can all agree that's the truth.

And we can also agree that that hot seat

is traditionally occupied

by African-Americans in general,

African-American men in particular.

Although, I can see that, in recent years,

that seat has been occupied by Mexicans...

and I daresay Arabs.

And we, the black Americans,

would like to thank you both

for your sacrifice

and your struggle.

We needed a break.

We needed a goddamn break.

We all go through something,

but at least I can leave

my backpack someplace.

If you're Arab and forget a backpack,

you got about 20 minutes

before they send that robot

to blow your sh*t up.

You can kiss all that Engineering homework

good-bye, Fouhad.

Now ISIS is number one

on the terrorist charts.

And ISIS is f***ing scary.

'Cause if ISIS catches you,

they're going to cut your head off.

That's what they do.

I've seen them do it on YouTube.

It was f***ing awful.

He looked right into the camera and said,

"Obama, I am back."

I saw that sh*t, I said, "Oh, my God.

Don't like."

How is this guy cutting people's heads off

on YouTube?

I can't even post a dick pic,

and this motherf***er

is decapitating people.

I'm gonna have to change my settings.

You know, everyone has it hard.

But I think, harder than black people

and harder than Arabs and Mexicans,

you know who has it the worst?

Fat black people.

It's hard for white people to understand,

but what I'm saying is very true.

Fat black people have a really rough road,

because all manner

of things kill white people.

But you know what kills more black people

than anything,

more than police and terrorism?

Salt, nigga. Regular-ass table salt.

Here, white people

are getting Ebola cures and sh*t,

and meanwhile,

I'm dying from f***ing flavoring.

Look, honestly,

I'll stop talking about it.

Let me say this, though.

Let me just say this.

Can we all just say

that we've seen it coming?

Were you surprised?

It's like when that guy threw

that banana at me.

Do you think I was surprised? Hell no.

I've been in show business 30 years.

I was expecting this banana.

I knew one of these nights--

I was like, "Somebody's gonna throw

a banana at me one of these nights."

'Cause that's how it starts,

with the name-calling.

Like that Paula Deen. Remember Paula Deen

got fired from the Food Network?

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