Dead Man on Campus Page #4

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OH, DON'T WORRY.

HE LIKES TO WATCH.

OH.

WELL, JOSH, SO NICE

OF YOU TO JOIN US.

I'M SORRY. I...

M--

SORRY.

NO, MOM,

THE WORK IS FINE.

I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS,

BECAUSE MIDTERMS

ARE IN 3 WEEKS.

Mom:
UH-HUH.

BUT, YEAH,

EVERYTHING'S GREAT.

ARE YOU SURE, HONEY?

YEAH. REALLY. SUPER.

CAN YOU HOLD ON A SECOND?

HELLO?

Cooper:

JOSH, IT'S ME.

LISTEN, I'M HEADING OVER

TO THE LUCKY PEACH,

AND THERE'S 3 GIRLS

WAITING FOR ME,

BUT I CAN'T THINK OF

ANY GIRLIE THINGS TO SAY,

SO I NEED SOME BACKUP.

DON'T SAY NO.

NO, COOPER.

IF I WAS SOME BORING

OLD PROFESSOR,

YOU WOULDN'T SAY NO.

OUT.

YOU'RE A PAWN, JOSH.

STICK IT TO THE MAN.

THE REVOLUTION:

WILL NOT BE TELEVISED.

BYE.

HI, MOM?

YEAH, THAT WAS COOPER,

AND HE SAID THA HE WANTED ME TO MEET HIM

AT THE LIBRARY,

SO...

I'LL TALK TO YOU

LATER, OK?

Mom:
ALL RIGHT.

I LOVE YOU.

OK. I LOVE YOU, TOO.

BYE.

I NEVER DOUBTED YOU

FOR A SECOND.

ONE DRINK.

ONE DRINK.

THEN I GOT TO GET BACK.

THEN YOU GO TO GET BACK.

OK.

NOW, TRY TO BE

CHARMING, JOSH.

AND DON'T TALK ABOU STUDYING,

BECAUSE, BELIEVE ME,

IT'S A TURNOFF.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

YEP. THIS IS A BAR.

COOPER, I GOT TO GO.

NO, NO, NO,

I SHOULD BE HEADED BACK.

HEY, JOSH.

HEY.

HEY.

WHERE HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN?

WE'VE BEEN GETTING DRUNK

WITHOUT YOU.

COME ON.

YOU WERE RIGHT. WE

REALLY SHOULD HEAD BACK.

NO.

I CHANGED MY MIND.

HEY, COOPER!

COOPER...

WE FINISHED THE PITCHER.

WE NEED MORE BEER.

SO, HOW'S

EVERYTHING GOING?

WHAT, WITH ME?

MM-HMM.

OH, AWESOME.

YEAH. YEAH.

IF I DIDN'T HAVE

ALL THIS HELLISH WORK

EVERY FRIGGIN' SECOND--

I SHOULD BE HOME.

NO. I KNOW, I KNOW.

I SHOULD BE HOME

WORKING ON MY STORY

FOR MY WRITING CLASS, SO...

HERE YOU GO.

UH-HUH.

ARE YOU ONE OF THEM

DALEMAN KIDS?

NO, NO. I'M A TOWNIE.

YEAH, I WORK AT THE

REFINERY, FACTORY, MILL.

WHAT'S THA ON YOUR SHIRT?

WHAT?

LET'S SEE AN I.D.

THERE YOU GO.

IT'S A BULLSHIT I.D.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU'RE RIGHT.

THIS IS NOT MY REAL I.D.

THIS IS MY REAL ONE.

"DR. MOHAMMED RASHID"?

HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?

THIS ONE?

NAH. NO, NO.

THIS ONE? THIS ONE?

JUST TAKE YOUR BEER.

TAKE YOUR BEER.

IT'S FOR THE GUYS

AT THE MILL.

YEAH.

SO, WHAT'S

YOUR STORY ABOUT?

IT'S ABOUT THIS GIRL,

AND SHE'S FROM NEW YORK,

KIND OF LIKE ME,

AND SHE HAS A CRUSH ON THIS GUY

WHO GOES TO HER SCHOOL.

HE'S KIND OF BUMBLING,

KIND OF SHY, BUT, UM...

SHE CAN TELL THERE'S

A LOT MORE GOING ON...

UP HERE. HA HA. HA.

HE'S FROM INDIANA.

REALLY?

I'M FROM INDIANA.

OK.

UH, ALL RIGHT, FORGET IT.

LET ME START OVER.

[KRISTIN CLEARS THROAT]

SHUT UP.

THERE'S A GIRL

WHO LIKES A GUY.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA

WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?

Josh:

HOW DO YOU DO IT?

Cooper:
WHAT?

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