Crazy, Stupid, Love Page #5

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Because if you do, I just know

that you are gonna kick that bar's butt...

...out of here. You know?

- Yeah.

It reminds me of an old story

my law professor told me...

Oh, dear God. Cheers, everyone.

Cheers.

Hey, Liz.

Listen, when my girl here passes...

...I'm gonna have another

little celebration right here...

...and I hope you can make it,

because it's gonna be a special night.

Okay.

- Did you hear that?

- Hear what?

- You heard that? "Special night"?

- Yeah. Yeah.

You think he's gonna propose?

At the El Torito Grill? God, I hope not.

Why, do you want him to?

I don't know, he's nice.

"He's ni..."? Hannah.

He's a sweetheart. Look at him.

- He bcc'd you?

- Right, yeah.

All right. Hannah, look at you.

Look at you.

If you end up with that,

what am I gonna end up with?

- Shut up. Come on.

- That sh*t's depressing.

All right. You know what?

I have to not big-sister you. It's fine if...

Jesus, really?

No. No. Not my life. Not my life.

I'm going. Okay?

So call me if you need anything. Bye.

You're awful. Bye.

Thank you for coming.

Um...

- You're late.

- Yeah. Sorry.

- Sbarro's?

- No, thanks.

Let me ask a question.

How much you got for clothes?

Um...

- What happened to your feet?

- What do you mean?

- These are my 407 s.

- Oh, they're 407 s.

- Can I see them?

- Yeah.

- These offer a lot of support.

- Right.

Whoa. Come on.

- What, are you in a fraternity?

- Are you insane?

You could have hit somebody.

What was that?

- I'm asking a question. You in a frat?

- No.

- Are you Steve Jobs?

- What?

Hold on a second. Are you the billionaire

owner of Apple Computers?

- No.

- Oh.

Okay. Well, in that case, you got no right

to wear New Balance sneakers ever.

- Come on.

- Mm... Oh...

Okay. All right.

One of the best parts

about being a guy your age...

Frankly, there aren't many, so you

should really take full advantage of it.

Uh-huh.

Is that you can rebuild your entire

wardrobe with like 16 items.

Credit card.

What?

You see, the problem

is that your head has like...

Like the proportions

of a Styrofoam peanut.

The skin under your eyes is starting

to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sac.

It does.

Where are your wallets?

- I'm set for jeans.

- You're not set for jeans.

- These are fine.

- They're not fine.

- You have a mom butt.

- Why don't we just go to the Gap?

You know what? They have a s... Okay.

What are you doing?

Cal, be better than the Gap.

Be better than the Gap.

Say it.

I'm better than the Gap.

- Come on.

- God.

- Stop slapping me. Really.

- Okay.

You're beautiful.

He likes to slap me in the face.

- What are you doing later?

- Ha, ha. I don't know.

- I do.

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