Connie and Carla Page #5

Don't keep your distance

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! What just

happened? Oh, my God!

Oh, you guys! Where the hell

did you queens come from?

The Evita stuff

made me tingle.

The Evita stuff made me tingle.

Wednesdays and Sundays, 200 a week.

Three hundred a week

and 10% of the door.

No way.

Okay, fne.

Congratulations. You guys are

fabulous. Thanks. Thank you.

Come on, Toto.

Having trouble making ends meet.

Not the frst time.

May not be able

to pay you that much.

That's okay.

Yeah.

See you tomorrow,

Connie and Carla.

Ooh! They all know

our real names!

Who cares? We're in!

Oh, my God, we're in!

Oh, Carla, we're in!

We're in!

Okay.

Yeah!

You coax the blues

right out of the horn, Mame

You charm the husk

right off of the corn, Mame

Hello?

Tibor, what are you doing?

Are they there, or what?

No, Rudy,

they're not here.

Hey, what about tracing

their license plate?

What about tracing the license plate?

If you'd written it down, you idiot!

You'll be lost

You'll be so, so sorry

When I'm gone

Sleep and I shall soothe you

Calm you and anoint you

Myrrh for your hot forehead

Oh Then you'll feel

everything's all right

Yes, everything's fne

Close your eyes

Close your eyes

and relax

Because everything's fne

You've been great.

You've been real.

Thank you.

Thanks.

You know,

it's hard to meet a guy

in this town,

let alone in Nazareth.

Hey, Carla, I feel sorry

for Mary Magdalene.

Oh, why is that, Connie?

Oh, you know, she fnally decides to

mend her ways, going the straight path,

and she falls for this guy-

33 years old,

still living at home with his mother, who's never

gonna accept a shiksa with a past for a daughter-in-law.

God, I love it. I feel like I

can fnally say what I think.

I know. When we were doing the show in Chicago,

and you would say, you know, dirty stuff,

I could feel the audience going, "Oh,

no. Don't do that. Where's my dessert?"

But now, dressed like a guy-

We can say anything we want.

But with L.A. men, the bulge

in their pants is a cell phone.

All right, that's it. I have

not seen you laugh once tonight.

Can you not see

how fabulous we are?

- I love the show.

- Mary, that is scary.

Your face doesn't move

when you talk.

Oh, Botox.

Cow poison?

Oh, no.

How many of you deaden your

wrinkles with that crap?

Hmm. Four, huh?

Five?

Oh, come on. Be honest!

Yeah, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Boys and girls, God put us on this earth to

have a laugh, hence the term "laugh lines. "

That's what it looks like.

Do yourselves a favor, let your

eyes crinkle, let your skin wrinkle.

Our lines show that we've lived.

If he doesn't love you when you look

like a map, tell him to hit the road.

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote