Clueless Page #3

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I told my P.E. teacher

an evil male had broken my heart.

So she raised my C to a B.

They're horrible! Don't feel bad!

And they're all like this.

Then I promised Miss Geist

I'd start a letter-writing

campaign to my congressman

about violations of the Clean Air Act.

But Mr. Hall was totally rigid.

He said my debates

were unresearched, unstructured,

and unconvincing.

As if!

I felt impotent and out of control,

which I really hate.

I needed to find sanctuary

in a place where

I could gather my thoughts

and regain my strength.

What's wrong?

Are you suffering from

buyer's remorse or something?

No. Nothing like that.

We've been shopping all day,

and I still don't know

what to do about Mr. Hall.

I've tried everything

to convince him

of my scholastic aptitude,

but I was brutally rebuffed.

He's a miserable little man

who wants to make

everyone else miserable, too.

Dee, that's it!

We've got to figure out a way

to make Mr. Hall sublimely happy.

Here's the 411 on Mr. Hall...

He's single, he's 47,

and he earns minor ducats

at a thankless job.

What that man needs

is a good, healthy boink fest.

Unfortunately,

there was a major

babe drought in my school.

The evil trolls

from the math department

were actually married.

Ooh, Snickers.

And in the grand tradition

of P.E. teachers,

Ms. Stoeger seemed

to be same-sex oriented.

Of course, there was always Miss Geist.

Something told me

not to discount Miss Geist.

Well, sure,

she has runs in her stockings,

and her slip is always showing,

and she has more lipstick

on her teeth than on her mouth.

Popular uprisings from

estates to the general assembly!

God, this woman is

screaming for a makeover.

I'm her only hope.

Rough winds do shake

the darling buds of May,

but thy eternal summer

shall not fade. "

Did you write that?

Tscha! It's a famous quote.

From where?

Cliffs Notes.

Run along. See you third period.

Try to remember

to bring our textbooks.

Oh, my God!

She actually looked happy.

Classic!

Paradoasm Banofshon...

16 tardies to work off.

Janet Hong... no tardies.

Travis Birkenstock... 38 tardies.

By far the most tardies in the class.

Congratulations.

This is so unexpected.

I didn't even have a speech prepared.

Uh, but I would like to say this.

Tardiness is not something

you can do all on your own.

Many, many people

contributed to my tardiness.

Thanks to my parents for never

giving me a ride to school,

the L.A. city bus driver for

taking a chance on an unknown kid,

the wonderful crew at McDonald's

for spending hours

making those Egg McMuffins,

without which

I might never be tardy.

If Mr. Birkenstock

has no political messages

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