Clerks 2 Page #3

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RANDAL:

Nope.

Just saw you guys talking.

Thought I'd come out here

and join you.

God, it must be

nice to have a job

with so much downtime.

Downtime's important.

If I had to deal with all

the f***ing mouth-breathers

nonstop, without a break,

I'd put my head

in the deep fryer.

Balls, too.

Do you really want

to sit here and watch me

and my fianc make out?

- Are you that much of a loser?

- Not really.

I was actually gonna ask

you two to knock it off

while I was out here.

I don't f***ing understand

why you can't be happy

for your best friend.

He finally found a woman

who loves him.

(titters)

Like you even register

as a chick to me.

You might as well be a dude.

Really?

Yeah. You're

my best friend's girlfriend.

You became

persona non-nookie to me

the moment he started diddling

your pooter.

So thinking of me

in terms of being a girl

kind of creeps you out,

does it?

Sweetheart, I don't think

of you in terms of being a girl.

I don't think of you

in any way...

Oh, that was just wrong.

If you don't get

the f*** out of here

so that I can spend

some quality time with my man,

next, I'm gonna show you

my pooter.

Why would you want

to do something like that?

All right, all right,

I'm leaving!

Jesus!

What'd you do that for?

You realize he just

thinks you're trying

to get him into a three-way

with us now, don't you?

EMMA:
Yeah, right.

With Graves?

That man's a total f***ing

Lloyd, like most Jersey guys.

Hey!

You talk tough, but when

we're crossing the state line,

I bet you get all sentimental

for Jersey

and squirt a few tears.

Yeah, tears of joy, maybe.

Jersey sucks,

and we are surrounded by morons.

On that note, I'm gonna go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

You're leaving?

EMMA:

Yeah, I've got

a ton of stuff to do

before we leave in the morning,

but I love you.

I love you, too.

(whispering):

Bye.

Dude, I'm pretty sure

your old lady wants

to get you and me together

in a three-way.

(whistling lackadaisically)

(whistling continues)

(scoffs)

(whistling continues)

(door moos electronically)

Ow.

Dude, how old are you?

(laughs)

You know I'm 19, Randal.

You wouldn't work for me

last week, remember?

'Cause you said working

on my birthday

would help me build character.

(sighs)

Well, at least you spelled

"cock" right this time.

Why the f*** are you

still getting rides

from your mother?

And even worse,

what the f*** are you

kissing her good-bye for?

What is she,

your f***in' prom date?

You're not gonna bother me

today, Randal.

I'm in too good a mood.

Because your mom

slipped you the tongue?

No, because I just read online

that there's gonna be

a live-action

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