Clerks. Page #6

I'm getting that movie.

- Like hell you are.

I'll bet you 20 bucks

you don't get to rent that tape.

- Twenty bucks ?

- Twenty bucks.

All right, a**hole. You're on.

You're late.

- What the hell are you doing here ?

- The boss called. Arthur fell ill.

- Why are the shutters closed ?

- Someone jammed gum in the locks.

- Bunch of savages in this town.

- That's what l said.

If I'd known you were here,

I'd have come even later.

- What smells like shoe polish ?

- Go open the store.

-Hey, you see a set of keys around here?

-No time for love, Dr. Jones.

F***ing kids.

Some guy just came in

refusing to pay late fees.

Said the store was closed for two hours

yesterday. l tore up his membership.

Shocking abuse of authority.

I'm a firm believer

in the philosophy of a ruling class,

especially since l rule.

- [ Randal ]

Want something to drink ? I'm buying.

- [ Dante ] No, thanks.

Who was on your phone

this morning, like, 2:30 ?

- l was trying to call for half an hour.

- Why ?

I wanted to use your car.

Snack cake.

You don't wanna know.

- You call Caitlin again ?

- She called me.

- You tell Veronica ?

- One fight a day with Veronica

is all l can stomach, thanks.

- What do you fight about ?

- We don't fight about anything.

She wants me to leave here and go

back to school and get some direction.

- l bet the most frequent topic

of arguments is Caitlin Bree.

- You win.

I'm going to offer you some advice,

my friend. Let the past be the past.

Forget Caitlin Bree.

You been with Veronica how long now ?

- Seven months.

- Chick's nuts about you.

- How long you date Caitlin ?

- Five years.

Chick only made you nuts, man.

She cheated on you how many times ?

- Eight and a half.

- Eight and a half ?

Party at John Kay's, senior year;

I get blitzed, pass out in his bedroom.

-Caitlin comes in and jumps all over me.

-So that's cheating ?

- No.

In the middle of it she called me Brad.

- She called you Brad ?

That's not cheating.

People say crazy sh*t during sex.

- One time, l called this girl ""mom.""

- l hit the light, she freaks.

- She thought l was Brad Michelson.

- What do you mean ?

She was supposed to meet Brad in a

dark bedroom. She picked the wrong one.

- She didn't even know

I was at the party.

- Oh, my God.

- Great story, huh ?

- That girl was vile to you.

Interesting postscript to that story.

Do you know who wound up

in that bedroom with Brad ?

- Your mother ?

- Alan Harris.

- Chess team Alan Harris ?

- The two moved to Idaho together.

They raise sheep.

- That's frightening.

- Takes different strokes

to move the world.

In light of this lurid tale,

I don't see...

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