ChickLit Page #4

to be my personal

literary guardian.

- Oh.

- I came in to buy a book,

which, as a loyal supporter

of the only independent

book shop for miles around,

I do, frequently.

But I don't have to.

- Sorry, Diana, I didn't think...

- No, you didn't.

The fact is I want

a little light relief,

if you'll pardon the expression.

And I didn't think

I'd have to pass

some sort of eligibility test.

Oh, of course not.

I'll get you a copy.

We just had a delivery.

It's selling awfully

well, you know .

I'm sorry, I didn't mean

to insult you, it's just that

having read your portrait,

I don't understand why

you'd want something

that is so badly written,

quite apart from its content.

I'm a big girl, and I'm sure

I can cope with its content.

As for the merits,

or otherwise of the writing,

who cares?

My last collection...

"Bumfights and beatitudes."

Well remembered.

Sold 104 copies.

I have 104 friends

and relatives.

What's wrong

with a woman making money

from writing novels like these?

They're not doing

any harm, are they?

I suppose not, but, I mean

anybody could write this stuff.

- I bet you couldn't.

- Well, I wouldn't.

But if somebody said, "here's

a million-pound advance,"

would you take a shot?

No.

Well, well, I mean, maybe.

Yes, but that's not the point.

Here you are. Have you got

your loyalty card, Diana?

Pop that in a bag for me,

would you, Marcus?

- Thank you.

- Oh, congratulations.

It appears you have a free book.

Ah, thank you.

We hope you enjoy it.

Please, come back to us soon.

I'll consider it.

Next time you decide to insult one

of our most valued customers,

you might remind yourself

that we are the width

of a paperback novella

away from bankruptcy.

Or are you too

idealistic to care?

David, unlike you

to do the lunchtime session.

I'll just have a half.

I'm drowning

my sorrows, actually.

I have to do something

on this CHICKLI mummy porn thing for a Webcast.

Hmm, look at this!

"Paradise postponed,"

"the whipping boy,"

manacles and manicures.

you see why I need a drink.

You do have some beer?

We do today.

Chris, what's with

all the rationing?

Ah, sh*t.

Can you keep a secret?

- No headlines in your paper?

- Of course

I've been told not to reorder until

the last barrel's been tapped.

It's a cash flow thing.

You can't run a pub like that.

I know, but the fact is,

dad's broke.

Every penny counts.

It's worse than that, actually.

The owners are planning

to sell this place.

Turn it into holiday apartments.

To be fair, they don't want to,

but they're broke, too.

How much do they want,

if you don't mind me asking?

That's the crazy thing. They're prepared

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