Cattle Call Page #4

Well, I'll see you then.

Bye.

Director.

Hey, Glenn.

You definitely...

You want to be the director...

You wanna swap with me?|Director, producer?

I'm not the swapping kind.

I think he's the director!

What do you like in a relationship?|What do you need?

Number 1 rule:
Honesty.

Honesty's a big thing.

- Honest.|- No man can lie to me.

So honesty... plus a big wiener.

Man lie to me, that's it. That's just it.

If you can get past that little prick.

If this was an audition for a porno, like,|what would you do?

I can get myself|down here into a pretzel.

I'm not gonna do that.

Just, like, mellow out

and smoke some dope.

My teacher says that I should really be|working on my sexuality.

And so he's gonna have me do|these private coachings with him.

He has me do them naked.

Do you think I could have gotten the job

if I did it this way?

Probably. So let me try.

Pretend that he's here,|because he's not here.

So I can't actually do it.

But he just takes down his pants,

and then I'm like...

Something like that.

It's the rollerhead look.

Just gonna grab you like this,

and we're gonna go for a roll.

Preferably younger.

I love the frat boys|with their little paddles.

Or a man with long hair like Tarzan.

- Can you get out?|- Um, no.

I like it when a guy|tries to impress me.

I think I...

- I'm sorry.|- And I broke my coccyx.

I don't know what's worse:|A guy with a little wiener,

or a guy with a little wiener|who tells you he has a big one.

As if you're never|gonna find out the truth?

Listen to that.

You can always tell the size of it|by the sound of the pee.

No, no. It's directly proportionate.

The deeper the sound, the bigger it is,|and vice versa.

I thought it was the hands.

I thought it was|how low their voice is.

I thought it was the nose.

Forget the nose, forget the feet,|forget the hands.

It's the force of the pee.

The force of the pee?

The force of the pee.

And by the way, that is so not circumcised.

Stinky pee-pee.

Excuse me.|Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Excuse me. Listen, I'm the writer.

- I really gotta go.|- Yeah, but...

The faster I go, the faster you guys|will be out of here.

Thanks.

So rude.

All right.

Force of the pee.

I'll show you girls force of the pee.

Come on, buddy.

Don't let me down, all right?

Come on. Come on.

What the heck|is taking him so long?

Men are selfish.

He better have lifted the seat,

and he better put it down|when he's done!

Let's go! Speed it up in there!

Hi.

It's all yours, ladies.

Go to the bathroom!

Once upon a midnight dreary,

while I pondered weak and weary,

But they should probably just be

with someone who likes little wieners.

Do you find that you're sexually promiscuous?

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