Carry On Matron Page #3

you may have, it certainly is not Asian flu.

Of course not!

I knew that. I could have told you.

What do you mean,

whatever else I might have had?

Oh, well, you were probably suffering

from some slight digestive upset, or something.

How are your bowels?

My bowels?

They're perfectly all right.

Why bring them into it?

Well, as you well know, Sir Bernard,

irregularity can cause slight fever symptoms.

I'm not irregular.

I'll have you know, I'm one of

the most regular fellows in the business.

- As long as you have no pain, or discomfort...

- Certainly not.

Now, if you'll kindly both stop fussing and go,

I have work to do.

Very well, Sir Bernard.

- Oh, there was one small problem, Sir Bernard.

- What is it?

- Mrs Tidey, in Bunn Ward, you know?

- Yes! What about her?

She's three weeks over her time and I was

wondering if we ought to consider bringing it on.

Bring it on? Bring what on?

- Why, the birth!

- Bring it on, bring it off. What do I care?

Really, Sir Bernard!

Can't anyone else

make a decision around here?

Ask Dr Prodd.

I've got far more important things to worry about.

Very well, Sir Bernard.

And if you'll take my advice,

you'll lie down and have a good rest.

- I don't need a good rest.

(Door slams)

I'm perfectly all right, do you hear?

B... Bowels.

Diseases of. Oh! Diseases of the bowels.

All right. You can get dressed again,

Mrs Jenkins.

Upon my soul, if it ain't Nurse Ball.

The fairest flower of them all.

A present for you, Doctor.

No, no. You cannot tempt me with strong drink.

Funny. Those were my exact words to you

when I first came here.

Touche.

Fresh as a mountain stream.

Why don't you take your shoes and socks off

and have a nice paddle?

I'll get you in the end, you little minx.

Well, Doctor?

Yes. I'm afraid you're pregnant again,

Mrs Jenkins.

- What?

- You're pregnant again.

Oh, no, not again. It's too much. It really is.

I thought you were stopping that nonsense.

- What?

- I thought you were stopping having relations.

Oh, I've tried, Doctor.

But you know what it is? My husband gets into

bed and says, "Are you going to sleep, or what?"

And you say, "What?"

Well, that settles it this time.

Whether he likes it or not,

I'm going to use something from now on.

You'd better, Mrs Jenkins.

What do you think's the safest, Doctor?

For you, Mrs Jenkins, a hearing aid.

- What?

- Oh, dear.

Come on, son. Hurry up.

I want to get you in there by six.

I'm nearly ready.

Women always take a long time dressing.

Especially when they're men.

Well, this is the best I can do.

I fancy you, dear!

Cyril! You look...

- You look lovely.

- Come off it.

- Hello!

- Get off!

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