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There it is, Finisham Hospital
- our next job.
- What? A maternity hospital?
That's it. Headquarters
- What have they got to nick?
Not just ordinary pills, the pill.
What? In a maternity hospital?
after the horse has gone.
No, no, no. They're just stored there
Dad, if they hand them out free,
what can you make out of them?
Nothing here, son.
as many as they can get and pay a fortune.
Dr Cross to Casualty, please.
Well, Miss Willing, so you're leaving us.
Yeah. Not exactly empty-handed, neither.
You have a beautiful baby there.
I wish I had one like it.
Yes, well, if you run into the same bloke as I did,
you can have one.
- Who's this, then?
- That's Sir Bernard Cutting, the head chopper.
Let me have a last look at the little chap.
You can have him for keeps
as far as I'm concerned.
Careful, my dear. I might take you up on that.
- (Baby cries)
Yes, he is.
Oh. I think you can have him back now.
Again? That's the fifth this morning.
- He must have a leak.
- I think he's just had one.
- Good morning, Sir Bernard.
- Morning, Arthur. Good morning, Matron.
- How are you?
- I'm all right. Why shouldn't I be all right?
- I look all right, don't I?
Then why did you ask me how I was?
No particular reason.
Just with all this Asian flu about.
What Asian flu?
Oh, it's only what I read in the papers.
Asian flu indeed!
What a lot of rubbish.
Would you like to do the rounds now?
No. I can't be bothered with all that today.
I don't feel well enough.
Poor Sir Bernard. He's only got to read of
I wonder if he's read Gone With The Wind.
often resulting in death.
fever, dizziness, rapid pulse,
yellowing of the eyeballs.
- Matron, any news yet, then?
- Oh, Mr Tidey, are you still here?
I've been here since 10:42 last night, haven't I?
I should know.
I'd just seen the 10:17 off to Reading.
- Did you indeed?
Quite. And haven't you had your baby yet?
Well, of course I haven't.
Here, what's gone wrong? What's happening?
Well, I can't hang around here.
I've got work to do, you know.
I'll find out what the situation is.
Tell her I've been here all night,
and to get her finger out.
You wait here. I'll case the joint.
- Well, I'm not producing.
I mean, are you expecting a baby, or what?
Oh, definitely a baby. I don't like whats.
- The waiting room is over there.
- Thank you, mate.
If it's a boy, I'll name him Happy, after you.
Blimey, she looked upset, doc.
- I'm not surprised. I told her she was pregnant.
- Is she really?
- Excuse me.
Are you expectant, or have you had it?
No. But if you can spare the time...
- Wait in there, please.
- Thank you.
- Did they just send for you?
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"Carry On Matron" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 12 Nov. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/carry_on_matron_5126>.