Carry on England Page #3
- NOT RATED
- Year:
- 1976
- 89 min
- 260 Views
Sergeant Major?
The only one I has to offer.
I has tried everything else.
Well, thank you. That's been a great help.
I shall have to think for both of us.
I've got it.
- We're going to have an air raid.
- My God, sir! They will panic.
- This is just a practice.
- They'll still panic.
Yes, they will, won't they?
- The wind.
- Not me, sir.
No, Sergeant Major. The wind is what you
and me are going to put up them.
(Burps)
- Gives me the wind just to look at it.
- Leonard...
- What?
- I've got this feeling.
There's a time and a place for everything.
- Not that kind of feeling.
- I didn't know you had any other.
No! Listen!
I've got this feeling that that new bloke's
going to make trouble for us.
That pipsqueaker?
He's too little to be awkward.
Squash him into the ground.
- Do we eat it or rub it in?
- You can bounce it off the ceiling for all I care.
Right, Sergeant Major.
They should be starting on their pudding.
Now! Now, Sergeant Major!
- Sir?
- I said now.
- There is no need to shout, sir.
- What?
- There's no need to shout!
- What are you mumbling about?
- There's no need to shout!
- Who is?
- I said now!
- Hah!
(Air raid siren wails)
Here. What's that?
- No, it can't be.
- It can't be what?
- What I think it is.
- What do you think it is?
It's an air raid.
ABLE:
Get a move on!I'll say one thing for them, Sergeant Major...
they certainly know how to run.
Oh, yes, indeed, sir. Of course,
they is running in the wrong direction.
- What?
- The gun emplacement is over there, sir.
- Well, why are they running that way, then?
- Air raid shelter, sir.
- They built it. They calls it the snoggery.
- I don't care.
There's an air raid on.
This is an anti-aircraft battery unit!
Is it?
(Whines like an attacking bomber)
Rat-a-tat tat! Rat-a-tat tat!
(Aeroplane attacks)
(Aeroplane fires)
Bang!
MELLY:
Bang!I could have sworn someone said "bang".
Oh, Leonard. Ooh, what a lovely idea.
(Laughs) Lovely.
I said bang!
You heard what the officer said,
you horrible shower! He said bang.
Don't you realise there's an air raid on?
(Stammers)
Course we do.
Well, then?
Well, you shouldn't be out in it. Come in here
with us, sir. There's plenty of room.
Yes, do join us, Tiger.
I'm not coming in there.
You are coming out here.
With an air raid on? There's ladies present.
- You can't have them out in an air raid.
- No, you can't.
There is no air raid.
- B-B-But you said there was.
- It's a mock air raid.
ALL:
Oooh!I mocked it and you made a mockery of it!
That's nice, isn't it? You're having a mockery
while we're having our grub.
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"Carry on England" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 2 May 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/carry_on_england_5120>.
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