Carry on England

Synopsis: Captain S. Melly takes over as the new Commanding Officer at an experimental mixed sex air defence base. It's 1940 and England is under heavy bombardment, but the crew seem more interested in each other than the enemy planes above. Captain Melly plans to put a stop to all this, and becomes the target of a campaign to abandon his separatist ideals...
Genre: Comedy, War
 
IMDB:
3.6
NOT RATED
Year:
1976
89 min
15 Views

Here it is, gentlemen. The big problem.

13-13 Experimental Battery.

I can tell you now, we've had orders

to solve it from the top seat.

You mean WC?

WC. The top seat.

As you know, we've tried everything.

Brilliance, outstanding personality,

sheer naked courage.

The time has come to try something else.

- Oh? And what's that, sir?

- Sheer bloody ignorance.

How long are you going to be, then... sir?

How long? When one is sent for

by one's brigadier

to discuss a mission which is so hush-hush

that even oneself doesn't know what it is,

- one might be hours.

- Permission to pop down the NAAFI, sir.

- I beg your pardon?

- Permission to pop down the NAAFI, sir.

Corporal, the enemy is poised

to strike across the Channel.

The country is fighting for its life

and you want to pop down the NAAFI?

- Well, in that case, I'll forget it.

- I'm very pleased to hear it.

I beg your pardon... sir.

Who are you, and what the

devil are you doing?

Captain Melly reporting, sir.

Brush yourself down!

Follow me to the conference room.

(Horn honks)

(Insistent honking)

- All right! All right! Why the bloody fanfare?

Watch it, mate. New commanding officer.

Blimey!

Corporal... that man. He was wearing lipstick.

Lipstick, sir? Where?

- On his face. Where do you think?

- It must be a burn or a scar, sir.

- I hope you're right.

- So do I.

Frilly curtains? Baskets of flowers?

- Brassieres?

- Pardon, sir?

- Knickers!

- Same to you... sir.

(Belches)

- Captain Melly.

- No, you must have come to the wrong place.

My name's Bull.

No, no. I'm Melly. S Melly.

Pity. Have a drink.

Now, look here, Bull. I'm your relief.

- And there are certain things that...

- My relief?

Oh, you little beauty!

I could kiss you!

My re! Oooh, my relief!

I've got to go. My relief...

He actually kissed me!

(Engine fires up)

- My case!

(Car accelerates)

- I say!

My case!

(Belches)

(Shouts)

Welcome to 13-13 Anti-Aircraft Battery, sir!

All right.

Sergeant Major Bloomer, sir.

"Tiger" to the troops.

I can do that!

- Sergeant Major Bloomer, do you think?

- Sir?

- Get inside.

- Me, sir?

- Yes, you, sir! Get inside at the double!

- Hargh!

Drop your trousers!

But, sir, we has only just met.

Drop 'em! That's an order!

Hah!

- I see.

- Do you, sir?

Sergeant Major, may I ask you a question?

Sir, may I pull up my trousers?

What? Oh, yes. Yes. Get 'em up.

What I want to know is...

what men in this unit would wear

the kind of underwear I've seen on the line?

Good Lord!

Some of them are wearing skirts too!

They is not men, sir.

Well, what the blazes are they?

Women, sir.

You mean, female?

Yes, sir. Was sir not told, sir?

This is one of these new mixed batteries.

So, that's what the brigadier meant when

he said that this battery was an experiment.

Experiment, sir?

They does not need to experiment.

They gets at it right away and all the time.

(Chattering)

All right, then. Section, halt.

Oh, come on! Come on. Put each other down.

(Moaning)

Hang about! Hang about!

We don't want to give our new CO

the right idea, do we?

(Laughter)

Right, right turn.

- What's next?

- Right dress, Leonard.

Oh, yeah. Er... right dress.

Two inches shorter

and he could see right up my skirt!

- What's your name, Sergeant?

- Willing, sir.

- And yours?

- Able, sir.

Well, Willing and Able, will you kindly tell me

why it is necessary for you all

to be squashed up like sardines in a tin?

It's just our way of keeping warm, sir.

On the hottest day of the year?

We've known it hotter than this, sir.

Dress properly! What do you think this is?

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"Carry on England" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 19 Oct. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/carry_on_england_5120>.

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