Carry On Cabby Page #4

- What is it?

- lt's a smoking jacket.

- Oh.

- There's a pipe to go with it...and slippers.

- l thought they'd go well with the cottage.

- They will, won't they?

l've found the very one, Charlie.

lt's only six miles out of town.

lt's all plaster and oak beams.

We can easily afford it now, too.

Yeah. Yes, it sounds very nice, but er...

You'll love it, Charlie.

lt's got this great big garden

and an old-fashioned kitchen and a nursery.

Yeah. Well, we don't want to worry about moving

till the kids come along, do we?

Here, l'd better gallop. Excuse me.

Charlie! You're not going again?

l've got to, love. l've got boys waiting

to start instruction. See you at dinner time.

(Door closes)

- Damn him.

Now, then, before you start, there are

one or two things l want to make quite clear.

Firstly, when you get to be a cab driver, you cut

yourself off from the rest of the human race.

Everybody's got it in for you

and nobody loves you.

ln no time at all, you'll find that you're as popular

as a wickerwork seat in a nudist camp,

and you know what sort of impression

that makes on people.

- Ooh, that's very good.

- Thank you.

Secondly, don't think it's easy to get

a cabby's licence, because it's not.

You have to pass a very stiff police test.

Thirdly...it's hard work and long hours.

We run a day and night service here.

lf you do night work, it means lots of overtime -

which is very handy -

but makes you very unpopular with the missus.

Now, then, if any of you don't fancy the job,

now's your time to speak.

We will get one night off a week, won't we?

- Course. Are you married?

- Oh, no.

Only l belong to this rambling club, you see,

and so does a very nice girl, too,

and...well...once a week,

we do like to go as far as we can.

Yes.

Oh, Peg, it's really beautiful.

- You are lucky.

- Yes, aren't l?

lt's just what l always wanted.

Now, Peg, you mustn't let it upset you like this.

l can't help it.

l'm so happy.

l know just how you feel.

Like when Ted gave me this bracelet

for my birthday.

lt was the nicest present l'd ever had.

Not as nice as your fur coat, of course.

What's the use of having a nice fur coat if there's

no-one to admire you or take you out in it?

Right, you've all had a chance to study

this map of the town.

Len, supposing you had to pick up a fare there,

to go to the station there, what's your best route?

Well, that's easy. Straight along the high street.

The ''best'' route, l said, not the shortest.

A cab driver never goes straight anywhere,

mate. Here, give me that.

Look, that's the way l'd go. Down there, along

here, up there, there, there, there and here.

See that?

Now, that way takes in five sets of traffic lights.

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