Captain Newman, M.D. Page #4

for a soldier is tough

for a civilian.

But you're not

a civilian.

I feel like a civilian.

Congratulations.

I assume that

you've worked in

a hospital before.

Yes.

Sir.

Go on, Corporal.

Go on where?

Tell me about

your experience.

What's to tell?

Let's see.

The camp I just came from...

I don't want to

knock the government,

you understand,

but the animals

in the Bronx Zoo

had it better.

They had me working in

the wards day and night

for 10 months steady.

I didn't like it.

You mustn't hide

your feelings.

That's what I figured.

Well, what kinds of wards

did you work in?

All kinds.

Give me a hint.

General, surgery,

infectial diseases,

that's where

I caught everything.

OB. That was for

the officers' wives.

The rate they're

getting pregnant,

they're not gonna need

a draft in 20 years.

Have you ever worked

in an N.P. ward?

A mental ward?

Psychiatric cases.

Nuts?

They are not nuts.

Gee, Doc,

you're not gonna put me

in a nut house.

It is not a nut house.

I'll drop dead.

Inside of one hour

I'll drop dead.

Sit down.

You better ask me

to lay down.

Already I'm a patient.

Now, listen.

Doctor.

(LAUGHS)

I don't know where

you guys get all these

cockeyed ideas.

The boys in my ward

are just depressed.

So am l.

Miserable.

They're miserable?

Look at me.

Sit down.

Doc!

Leibowitz, this is

a perfectly safe ward.

There is no danger involved.

Patients in my ward

are not allowed to have

matches or razors

or sharp objects

of any kind.

But teeth they got.

We've been here for

some time and we haven't

lost an orderly yet.

Don't spoil your record,

Captain.

I'll take my chances.

Now, do you have

any questions?

You don't have to

raise your hand.

I'm as surprised

as you that I still

have the strength.

Ask the question.

Captain, I appreciate you

trying to boost my morale,

but let us face facts.

It goes against my grain.

You are putting me

in a booby hatch.

Leibowitz, what the devil

is the matter with you?

You look like

an intelligent...

Don't be fooled

by my looks.

But you'll get

the best food

on the post...

Who's got an appetite?

You have my

deepest sympathy.

From a plumber

I expect sympathy.

From a psychiatrist

I expect understanding.

Corporal Leibowitz

has just volunteered

to work with us.

But Captain...

Would you like

Sergeant Kopp

to show you around now?

No.

No, what?

No, sir.

Good. Start with

the ward, Arkie.

But, Captain, I've...

Let's go, Leibowitz.

Glad to have you

with us.

(SHEEP BLEATlNG)

You think so, huh?

People always make

that mistake until

they get to know me.

Hey. Already

I'm hearing things.

What's that...

You're not hearing

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