Camp Nowhere Page #3

Hold your horses there,

Alphonse.

Can't you see I'm helping

this man find a missing car?

Not here.

Of course it ain't.

Sorry about the door.

- Your kid, huh?

- Yup. Heir to the throne.

Well, Van Welker

had no children.

That's a tragedy.

Well, if he turns up, give me a call.

I'd appreciate it.

- So would the Ohio State Police.

- [Engine Starts]

- [Gaby] Don't hit him, Zack.

- I won't.

- [Horn Honking]

- [Gasps]

You know, you really oughta get the Club.

Any idiot can hot-wire a Gremlin.

What do you want from me?

The car was a dog.

Late at night, I used to hear it barking in

the driveway. [Imitates Barking]

Mr. Van Welker,

we don't care about the car.

How would you like

to make $1,000?

A thousand bucks.

Ha!

Chicken feed! Now, if you'll excuse me,

I gotta go call my broker.

- I'm sorry?

- Polk's phone number, Mr. Van Welker.

Oh, I get it.

Shakedown time.

And people say kids today

lack ambition.

[Chuckles]

A thousand bucks, you say?

Hmm.

Mr. Himmel? Dennis Wozniak,

Binary Pines Computer Camp.

Been expecting ya.

Come on in.

Thanks.

- Hey, nice sweater.

- [Chuckling]

In today's job market, you've got to

master the skills of tomorrow, now.

For instance, 379 of the

Fortune 500 companies...

use exactly the same

Novell netware release that we teach.

Here, Mr. Grotowski.

Of course, you should know that our Trish

takes her precious horses pretty seriously.

Acting, Dad! This is theater camp.

Caitlin goes to riding camp.

Of course.

It does sound

interesting, Jerzy.

But she's been so happy at Lake Broadway,

and I think it's...

I don't know,

prestigious.

[Eastern European Accent]

Oh, it is fine program, Mrs. Prescott.

More than adequate.

But how deep can you go

in, uh, six weeks?

At Camp Sleek-Away,

we believe there are no fat people.

There's fat,

and there's people.

- Look, whatever dumb diet

you guys use, it won't work.

- Shh.

She's right.

Diets don't work.

- Chocolate cake works.

- [Scoffs]

Well, it sounds like

a hell of an operation, Savage...

but as I said on the phone, Zachary will be

going back to Camp Steelgrave.

Well, Mr. Dell,

if you're happy with, uh...

Weepy's results...

I won't waste

your time.

Weepy?

Just a nickname

Sergeant Steelgrave picked up in 'Nam.

Isn't that interesting,

Morris?

- You should look up "interesting"

in the dictionary, Dad.

- Morris.

You know, Morris, if you were

an ordinary kid, it wouldn't matter so much.

But you've got such...

- potential.

- [Laughs]

And that is why our season

runs two weeks longer.

- She'd be gone for eight weeks?

- I know it is long time to be separated.

That means we wouldn't have to come back

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