Buddymoon

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1

"WE ARE NOW ABOU TO PENETRATE

A COUNTRY:

ON WHICH THE FOO OF CIVILIZED MAN

HAS NEVER TROD.

THE GOOD OR EVIL

IT HAS IN STORE FOR US

HAS YET TO BE DETERMINED.

WE CARRY EVERY ARTICLE

BY WHICH WE ARE TO SURVIVE.

THE PARTY:

ARE IN EXCELLENT HEALTH

AND SPIRITS."

"ZEALOUSLY ATTACHED

TO THE ENTERPRISE

AND ANXIOUS TO PROCEED."

"ENTERTAINING, AS I DO,

THE MOST CONFIDENT HOPES

I COULD BUT ESTEEM

THIS MOMENT OF OUR DEPARTURE"...

..."AS AMONG

THE MOST HAPPY:

OF MY LIFE."

FROM THE JOURNALS

OF LEWIS AND CLARK, 1805.

SO, DAVID ZARA

FOR WILLIAM CLARK.

AND CAN YOU TELL US

HOW TALL YOU ARE?

UH, AS I CAN PLAY

ANY HEIGHT.

THAT'S HOW GOOD I AM.

YOU KNOW, DAVID,

I GOTTA SAY,

WE'RE BOTH HUGE

"LITTLE GENIUS" FANS.

AH, MAN, HUGE.

WE LOVE IT, LOVE IT.

COOL, GUYS.

YES, THANK YOU.

IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO,

BUT, YOU KNOW.

HOW DID IT GO,

IT WAS LIKE, HE'S A...

LITTLE GENIUS.

- OH, WOW, WAIT.

AND THE CATCHPHRASE--

-"DOES NOT COMPUTE."

-OH, YEAH, YEAH.

- "THAT DOES NOT COMPUTE."

- OKAY.

NO, THAT WAS THE, UM,

THE ROBOT-- "LITTLE GENIUS"

-WHO SAID THAT.

-OH.

BUT I WAS LIKE:

THE STRAIGHT MAN,

LIKE, "AWE."

YOU KNOW?

UM, I DON'T REMEMBER THAT.

HEY, WELL,

SHOULD WE GET STARTED?

SURELY.

PACIFIC. PACIFIC.

MERIWETHER?

MERIWETHER,

STOP PADDLING. YON.

IT'S THE PACIFIC!

IT'S THE PACIFIC AT LAST!

HI, THIS IS DAVID.

I CAN'T COME TO

THE PHONE RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE I AM ON:

MY HONEYMOON.

CALL YOU IN A WEEK

WHEN I GET BACK.

HI DAVID, IT'S FLULA,

YOUR BFF FOREVER.

I HOPE YOU'RE DOING OKAY.

I KNOW PROBABLY:

THE ANSWER IS "NOT OKAY,"

BUT DON'T WORRY.

YOUR BEST MAN:

IS COMING TO CHEER YOU UP.

GET READY FOR A NICE

GASSY BALL.

IT WILL MAKE SENSE

IN JUST SOME SECONDS.

BYE-BYE.

GOOD MORNING, DAVID.

HEY.

OKAY.

LOOK WHO'S HERE

TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY.

NO?

THESE RAYS:

HAVE NO EFFECT?

HERE, HAVE A BOTTLE.

OOH, ROS.

I LIKE IT.

FRANKIE CANCELS THE WEDDING.

SHE TAKES:

ALL OF THE FURNITURE,

BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE,

I HAVE A:

LIFETIME SUPPLY:

OF ROS.

THINGS ARE LOOKING UP.

-WHAT'RE YOU WEARING?

-WHAT AM I WEARING?

DAVID,

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

YOU LOOK LIKE KANGAROO.

YOU KNOW MARSUPIALS

ACTUALLY TRAVEL:

IN PAIRS, THOUGH.

"FROM THE PEN OF WILLIAM CLARK.

EVERY GREAT JOURNEY,

LIKE A GIANT REDWOOD

BEGINS, INITIALLY,

AS A SMALL SEED.

ON THE DAY MY OLD FRIEND,

MERIWETHER LEWIS CAME TO VISIT,

I WAS ENTIRELY UNAWARE

THAT HE HAD COME

TO PLANT THIS VERY SEED

INTO MY LIFE."

DAVID,

WE NEED TO GE YOU OUTSIDE.

YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR LIKE,

WHAT, A WEEK?

YOU NEED SOME SUN

ON YOUR FACE:

AND YOUR BODY,

YOUR LEGS, TORSO.

WE WERE GONNA STAR OUR HONEYMOON TODAY.

ONE WEEK HIKE:

WOULD'VE BEEN VERY ROMANTIC.

IT'S TOO LATE

TO RETURN ALL THIS GEAR.

-DID YOU CANCEL IT?

-NO.

YOU'RE OUTSIDE,

ARE YOU LIKE JUST IN THE FORES AND NATURE WITH SOMEONE

YOU LIKE AND CARE ABOUT?

YEAH, IT JUS WOULD'VE BEEN

ME AND FRANKIE:

OUT THERE.

BUT FRANKIE'S

NOT AVAILABLE.

YEAH, I'M AWARE

OF THAT, FLULA.

-THANK YOU.

-NO, I'M JUST SAYING,

SOUNDS LIKE A TRIP

THAT IS NOT CANCELLED

AND THAT IT WOULD BE NICE

TO MAYBE HAVE COMPANIONSHIP

ON THIS WONDERFUL JOURNEY.

MM.

IT WOULD'VE BEEN.

DAVID.

WHAT DID RUDY DO

WHEN HE COULD NO MAKE THE SACK?

"RUDY,"

THE FOOTBALL MOVIE?

EXACTLY. "RUDY."

YOU ARE RUDY.

AND THESE OPPONENTS,

THE ENEMY TEAM, AND THE PEOPLE.

THIS IS LIKE FRANKIE

AND THE WEDDING CANCEL

AND ALL THE SAD TIMES

IN YOUR LIFE.

YOU ARE THERE ON THE FIELD

AND YOU'RE LIKE,

"WHAT THE-- HELP!

I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE

A SACK, PERHAPS."

NOBODY CAN SEE YOU.

YOU ARE TINY.

BUT DO NOT WORRY, DAVID--

I MEAN, RUDY,

YOU HAVE FRIENDS.

YOU HAVE:

THE OTHER PLAYERS

ON THE TEAM,

THE TALL BOYFRIENDS

WITH THE JERSEYS AND NUMBERS.

THIS IS ME.

AND THE CROWD:

WHO CHEER FOR YOU?

RUDY! RUDY!

RUDY!

THIS IS ME, ALSO.

AND I'M THE GRASSES

AND THE SKY.

I'M-- I'M ALL

OF THESE THINGS, DAVID.

I'M HELPING YOU OUT.

YOU'LL WIN THE CHAMPIONSHIP.

AND I WILL HELP YOU, RUDY.

LET'S DO IT.

YEAH, SO, WAIT.

YOU WANT-- WHAT'RE YOU SAYING?

WE ARE GOING TO GO

ON YOUR HONEYMOON TOGETHER.

-NO, NO.

-NO, THIS IS GREAT, DAVID.

-AWFUL.

-NO, WE'RE DOING THIS.

RUDY! RUDY! RUDY!

RUDY.

RUDY. RUDY. RUDY.

-WHAT?

-RUDY.

-RUDY.

-RUDY.

OKAY, DAVID.

SO THIS IS MY FIRST HONEYMOON.

TELL ME,

WHAT WILL WE DO?

WELL, IT'S GONNA BE

SEVEN DAYS,

SEVEN NIGHTS,

HIKE THROUGH:

THE WILDERNESS,

GORGEOUS VISTAS,

RUGGED OVERLOOKS.

THAT SOUNDS AMAZING, DAVID.

AND ON THE LAST DAY,

THERE'S A SPECIAL TREAT.

ONE NIGH IN THE BIG PINEY

WILDERNESS LODGE.

OOH, SOUNDS VERY ROMANTIC.

YEAH, THAT'S...

KINDA THE WEIRD THING

ABOUT THIS.

HOW MANY BEDS?

ONE BED.

BUT I'M SURE THEY WILL BRING

A COT IN OR SOMETHING.

UH! GOT YOU!

OKAY, SO WE WILL

"COT" THE BED IN HALF

-TO MAKE TWO BEDS?

-NO-- GOD, NO, NO!

A COT IS LIKE:

A SMALLER BED:

THAT THEY CAN LEND US

IN ADDITION TO THE ONE BED.

SO WE'LL HAVE THREE BEDS?

FAIR ENOUGH.

WON'T YOU

COME BACK HERE AGAIN?

I'M THE COUNTRY

GENTLEMEN:

DON'T COUNT YOUR BATTLES

JUST FAMILY AND FRIENDS

I'M THE COUNTRY

GENTLEMEN:

DAVID, I'VE HEARD THERE ARE

MAGICAL CREATURES

-IN THIS FOREST?

-NO, THERE ARE NOT.

YEAH, LIKE YETIS

AND LEPRECHAUNS, WEREWOLVES.

THE SASQUATCH.

OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW

THAT DOES NOT EXIST.

I'VE SEEN PHOTOS

OF SASQUATCH.

WELL, I'VE SEEN PHOTOS

OF GODZILLA.

HAVE YOU SEEN:

"DIE HARD 2"?

I HAVE NOT SEEN:

"DIE HARD 2."

SO MAYBE THE FILM

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