Brassed Off Page #5

-Ta.

-Hey, love?

-Yeah?

-Joined band last night, did you?

-Yeah. How did you know that?

Just something me husband

never said.

Aye, I am.

-What?

-Thinking what you're thinking.

-Eh, up.

-What are you doing?

-Don't sit on that.

-Get off.

-Eh, up, Iads.

-All right?

-Hi Danny,

-Paul.

Oh, teII me you're bloody joking

son, please.

-Sorry. AII of us or none at aII.

-Why for Christ's sake?

lt were them men from t'P leasure

Department, Grandad.

-You what?

-Anyway...

nowt wrong with a bit of vocal

support, eh?

-l hope you feel as good as you look.

-l'm nervous.

Get away with you. Your grandad would

be proud of you. Go on, in you get.

-Eh, up GIoria.

-Hey oggle-eyes, is that the lot?

No, no, no there's ...

There's one more,

as per bIoody usual.

Poor lass.

All she wants is a nice day out and

she gets stuck between them 2 buggers.

Sh*t.

Oh, sorry Harry.

-Come here, darling

-Thanks a lot, Kylie.

There you go, mate. What

were aII that about?

Here comes Fast bloody Eddie now.

Come on Andy lad. Step on it.

Sorry.

-AII right StanIey, that's the lot.

-What about these two here?

Bloody heII.

Don't look Iike that, Danny lad.

lt's nearest colours we could find.

-What are you doing?

-We'vejust founded t'fan cIub.

Well l don't think we...

Look ladies, l mean, this is

traditionalIy a...

-male onIy excursion. You know that.

-New Iass on board, is she?

Aye. That's different.

I mean, she's very taIented.

Aye, l know, we saw her.

l'll have you know, that girl bIows

flugeI Iike a dream.

Danny Ormondroyd!

At your age!

Come on love, it's not

"What's my Iine?" .

Well, l'm a surveyor.

BIimey. What, you mean like a

quantity surveyor?

-Kind of.

-Want to survey my quantity, Iove?

WelI I do say

"no job too smaII" .

Get away love. Take you a bloody

fortnight, this one.

We had no option,

Iover, honest.

Shift up, duck.

Eh, up PhiI, groupies are on.

Sex, drugs and rock and roll,

eh girls?

Aye, except we can do without

drugs and rock and roII.

Laughing. They were bloody

laughing at us.

Look at them. If they were alive

today, they'd turn in their graves.

And if Arthur MulIins was Iooking

down on us, weII God bIoody heIp us.

l mean,

is this what it's come to?

Bits of trombone flying

alI over t'shop?

Stopping t'march to change

bloody nappies?

Too bIoody bewied to stay on

t'buggering bandstand.

We may as well

aIl bIoody give up.

I reckon we

aIready have, Dan.

That's kind of why itwent

like it did.

Reckon we thought we'd go out

on a high note.

Happen our idea of a high note's a

bit different from yours, like.

Go out? What are you talking about

Ernie, go out?

Danny lad,

you've got to face it.

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