Blue Like Jazz Page #5

Yeah, it's genius.

Sounds like a high school term paper.

What do you like?

Choose wisely.

A bagel, I guess.

- This?

- Yeah.

Someone ate this?

Dude, check out Quinn.

I think it's growing.

Heh. Bet you'd like

to pop her tart.

Can you find me?

That's you?

You look so...

Before I found freedom.

Eat, girl. Eat.

You want to tell me

where you're from now?

Escaped from Kansas.

Dad sells windows.

Mom bakes pies.

She's fat.

He looks at other women.

Where are you from?

Texas.

Can I ask you a question?

'Cause it's been killing me.

Sure.

Are you the secret bastard child

of a televangelist?

No.

- Oh, my God. You are.

- What?

Do all the boys in your choir

have to wear their hair that way?

What's wrong with my hair?

Well, it's not exactly free.

Are you trying to make me a lesbian?

I'm trying not to picture you

burning flags at a gay soldier's funeral.

Not all Christians are like that.

Smile.

You've got, like, spinach

stuck in your teeth.

It's really gross.

Look, your private religious wacko

beliefs are none of my business,

but if you plan on sticking around.

Long enough to unpack your secret

underwear or whatever,

you probably want to keep that quiet

around here.

You're kidding, right?

I had a Mormon roommate

my freshman year.

She lasted two days.

I mean, we haven't had

a Christian club

since the Nixon administration.

Dude, this is Reed College.

Hello.

I was looking at

this student handbook.

You've got so many

crazy religious groups.

"S&M Wiccans. Jews for Jihad."

What's wrong with being a Christian?

Do you have any idea what your hateful,

bullying tribe has been up to?

'Cause around here, you represent

a whole new category of despicable.

So if you plan on ever making friends

or sharing a bowl

or seeing a human vagina

without a credit card,

get in the closet, Baptist boy,

and stay there.

Setting, conflict, climax, resolution.

If the setting in SCCR changes,

does the conflict go away?

'Cause, I mean, it's only been a week,

and I feel like I'm someone else.

Hey, Jordan.

You sounding chipper.

I'm not disturbing you and your gay lover

roommate, am I?

No, there's no roommates here.

They're just single rooms.

You got to pimp out your pad, dude,

catch some ladies.

You getting any action?

Uh, there's this one girl,

but I didn't get her number.

Or her name.

Spent some time

with a hot lesbian.

Yeah, you're full of sh*t.

Hold on, bro.

Sorry, dude. It's my mom.

- Are you talking to her?

- Yeah. Yeah, we're talking.

- Sort of.

- Huh.

- All right, call you later.

- Yeah.

Hi, Mom.

Hey. You get the cookies?

Yeah, they came in the mail Friday.

Sorry they were store-bought.

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