Blue Like Jazz Page #4

Greetings, virgin.

How many do you need?

- Huh?

- Rainbow ticklers

are the special of the day.

Here. No charge.

Rub-a-dub-dub,

put a rub on your chub.

Right here!

Chub away, rubber man.

Got your hands full?

Oh, why don't I just slide this

into your pocket?

...right here. Absolutely free.

One way or the other!

Hey!

Jimmy on your stiffy, ladies.

Take it.

Want to try 'em out?

Uh, I'm not 100%

on what I've got here.

I meant the water.

Uh, sure. Sure. What do I do?

Take a sip.

Swirl it around in your mouth a bit.

Okay, now try this one.

What about this?

Swallow.

Well?

I can't taste the difference.

This one is Portland municipal tap water.

This one is Aqualike bottled water.

The Portland water is local

and comes with your tuition.

The Aqualike water

costs $1.50 for a 12-ounce bottle,

and they say it comes

from the Himalayas,

but it actually comes from Kashmir,

which is one of the poorest

regions in India,

so that would be good

for their economy, right?

Wrong.

Aqualike Corporation practices

are actually depleting the water table

so that the local Kashmirian farmers

don't have enough to irrigate their crops.

Well, so then I shouldn't be

ingesting this?

No.

Here comes trouble.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

They do this all the time?

Hey.

Heh. Hey.

Hey.

Okay.

Wait up.

Uh, anybody sitting there?

Hey.

I'm Don.

We, uh, sort of met

in the men's roo...

restroom.

So where are you from?

You know how to tell

if a girl's a lesbian?

'Cause she's attracted

to other women?

Is that how it works in Mayberry?

Cutoffs at two o'clock.

Last year, she was homecoming queen

back in Nebraska,

two tiny biscuits floating

under a cheerleader skirt.

What do you think her ass says now?

Uh...

It says, "I don't care what you think."

Which is why it's beautiful.

I'm Kent Bowers,

and I am your

Dean of Student Affairs.

Close your laptops.

Pocket your cellphones.

Listen carefully.

According to the words

and logic of Neil Postman,

"There is no escaping

from ourselves.

"The human dilemma is

as it has always been,

"and we solve nothing

by cloaking ourselves

in technological glory."

At Reed College,

there is no reward

for staring at a screen,

no extra credit for looking busy.

Forget everything

you think you know,

because you do not know anything.

There's nowhere to run.

There's nowhere to hide.

There is no escaping ourselves.

The human dilemma

must be experienced.

So, uh, that lecture

was pretty brilliant.

How was it brilliant?

Um, the whole part about how life

needs to be experienced.

And technology influences

the way we think,

and we live

in a dumbed-down culture,

and, oh, the sky is blue.

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