Black Irish Page #4

Well, chastity,

for one.

You know, I'm not

exactly comfortable

with the idea

of being...chaste.

That's a doozy.

Are you getting laid?

Are ya?

Stop. No.

But besides playing ball,

it's all I can think about.

Perfectly natural.

Listen, from age 13

through my late 20s,

all I could think about

was pus--

w-was sex.

Really?

Really.

Then I met your mother.

Wait a minute.

You know about the birds

and the bees, right?

You know how the whole

thing works, don't you?

Yeah, Dad, I know.

Yeah, well, I know you know.

Attending that institution

doesn't exactly expose you

to the world.

Yeah, well,

I got it figured out.

Well, you know, it's not

like you see in Playboy.

You know,

it gets all wet--

I--

You know, this--

That's okay, you know?

But not too much.

And, uh,

[clears throat]

always, always gift wrap

your package.

You know, protection.

We're gonna--

We're gonna be late.

Uh--

[clears throat]

Yeah.

[car approaching,

radio blaring]

# Everything that we

believed in, it all

turned out to be a lie #

[car, radio off]

[car door opens, closes]

Taking matters

into your own hands?

Is your boyfriend David

gonna drive the bus?

The f*ggot.

Go away, Terry.

I don't wanna deal with you

right now.

Come on. Get in.

I'll drive you...

wherever you wanna go.

You know you have a fine,

young ballplayer here.

Why, next season I'd wager

he'll make it into

the starting rotation.

There isn't gonna be

a next season, Father.

We're taking our son

out of St. Mark's.

Out?

I've always thought

that Cole was here

because his faith

was central to him.

Have you found something

more important in your life?

No. No, Father.

Not-- Not at all.

It's, um--

It's the most important work

a man can do.

It's just--

It's-- It's just that--

Yeah.

Right now--

No one becomes

a priest nowadays.

I don't want my son

to become some sort of freak.

He's going

in a different direction.

Isn't that right?

Mr. McKay, I'd hardly

label our calling freakish.

Well, you might wanna consider

getting the Church

a good publicist then,

because, uh, you know,

your calling's been taking

a serious hit lately.

Here's the bottom line:

The kid's hormones

have finally kicked in.

He's no longer

interested.

Isn't that right?

Not exactly.

Have you made any short

or long-term plans?

I'm gonna

go to public school,

and, uh, I thought

I'd work as a waiter.

For now.

[sighs]

You've been such

a promising student.

Exemplary in all ways.

And now you'd prefer to serve

hamburgers instead of God?

It's a lot more practical.

McDonald's has served a few

more than Catholicism has.

How many billions

they up to now?

[chuckling]

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