Big Bear Page #3

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I like Ikea.

Nobody likes Ikea.

I do. I like a lot of Ikea.

I hate those little wrenches.

Oh, yeah, I know.

I swallowed one once.

Never came out.

How the f*** did you do that?

All right, all right,

all right, Joe, wait.

Why Ikea?

Because when I get

something from Ikea,

I know exactly how long

it takes to put it together.

It says right on the box:

3.4 hours to assemble.

I like knowing that for the next

three-point-four hours,

I'm gonna be assembling a brown

brusali with lonset slats,

and a white

stained oak veneer Malm,

or whichever f***ing Ikea bed

I'm gonna get today.

Okay.

Maybe before you go,

you'll have one drink with us

at the bar.

It shouldn't take more than

oh-point-four hours.

- Nick, get over here.

- Ow.

- Hey, Colin!

- What are we doing?

Take him. Don't let him go

no matter what.

I got him.

We doing this?

Joe, we don't think

you're telling us the truth.

- I told you what happened.

- Yeah, but...

You didn't tell us

everything that happened.

No.

- Yes.

- Why?

Because you like to tell

most of the truth.

That's not what we want.

That's not what friends do.

We want the whole truth.

Did she f***ing cheat on you?

- She f***ing cheat?

- She f***ing cheat on you, Joe?

No. No!

Careful. I've been drinking.

Did you get him?

I was always better

at this game drunk though.

It got real.

Guys, I don't wanna do this,

all right?

Bullshit you don't

wanna do this.

You drove all the way up here.

For a reason, I think.

Always there to help us,

but when he needs it,

he won't let us help him.

- Exactly, Nick.

- Classic Joe.

How about you tell us what

really happened to the hand?

I told you.

I punched the wall.

Yes, but why?

We've known you since college.

The last thing you would ever do

is resort to senseless violence.

I was mad at her.

This f***ing guy.

You don't punch a f***ing wall.

Mm-mm.

My fiance dumped me, all right?

- I was mad at her.

- No, that's wrong.

- Ah, Jesus, man! F***!

- Good darts.

- Honestly, I'm just throwing.

Just tell us what you won't

f***ing tell us, Joe.

No, it's none of your business.

Oh, so you admit

there is something else?

- Aha.

- Ooh!

We're your friends.

Please.

Let us take care of you.

- Uh, does this count?

- Yeah.

- Yes.

- Yeah.

Tough love, buddy.

Ah.

- Joe?

She's in love with someone else.

- Who is he?

- I don't know.

She said she loves him?

She said that they didn't cheat,

that they just...

Fell in love,

but they didn't have sex.

Well, if they're in love,

then they're not having sex.

They're making love.

Technically.

An emotional affair

is still cheating, Joe.

I don't know. She said that it's

not really about him and her.

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