Big Bear

Synopsis: BIG BEAR is about Joe (Joey Kern) who reluctantly has his bachelor party even though his fiancé just dumped him for some Dude (recent Emmy nominated. Pablo Schreiber).
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Joey Kern
Production: Blue Fox Entertainment
  1 win & 3 nominations.
88 min

I can't do this.

I can't do this.

I can't do this.

Bachelor party! Bachelor party!

Bachelor party!

Bachelor party!

Bachelor party! Bachelor party!

Bachelor party! Bachelor party!

Bachelor party!

Bachelor party!

Bachelor party! Bachelor party!

Bachelor party! Bachelor party!

Bachelor party! Bachelor party!

Hey, hey.

You gotta catch up.

Here, here, here.

You're late to your own

bachelor party,

- chug, chug, chug.

- What are you doing?

I'm sorry.

- Why did you do that?

- You held my nose.

It's like a shotgun.

You plug the shotgun hole.

- You're an idiot.

- You are an idiot, Nick.

You wouldn't know an idiot

if it smacked you in the face.

Smack me in the face,

so I have a frame of reference.

- You want a slap fight?

- Yeah, yeah.

I'm so glad you're here, man.

These two make me wanna puke.

That's a very underwhelming


Why do you guys

all have mustaches?

We have mustaches for you,

for your bachelor party.

Did we not discuss this

with you?


- Really?

- Yeah. What about Nick?

Nick got confused.

I thought I texted you from

my second phone. I'm so sorry.

No, I think I would've

remembered that.

I'm sorry. I guess I haven't

seen you in a while.

How you been?

- Not great, actually.

- Just hold on tight

'cause these guys have been

living for this week.

Yeah, look, the thing is...

Wait, wait, wait!

We got rules.

You need to learn the rules.

Colin and me wrote rules,

and you gotta learn 'em.

- They made rules.

- Yeah!

Bachelor parties.

I'm so sick of going to

bachelor parties and fishing.

- Or whitewater rafting.

- Boo!

That is not a bachelor party.

- That's a party.

- It's just camping.

A bunch of cock and balls

sleeping in the woods.

- It's a schlong-a-thon.

- Now, this great tradition

is not only a send-off

of one's bachelorhood,

but a way to send

said bachelor off

with a train car

full of regret so deep,

you'll never wanna be

a bachelor again.

That's beautiful, Colin,

really, but, guys...

Rule number one, get drunk.

Fastest train to regret

is alcohol.

Rule number two, stay drunk.

I wrote the first two rules.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Nick!

- It's okay.

- I knew you'd freak out.

- Is he drinking?

It's been five years, man.

I need a f***ing break.

- I don't think...

- Who cares if he dies?

- It doesn't work that way.

- I can have a beer or two,

in celebration of

your bachelor party, dad.

I wouldn't even be doing this

if you weren't getting married.

- No.

- It's on you, Joe.

- No.

- There's a meeting on Monday.

- I'll be there, okay? Promise.

- Look...

- Or Tuesday at the latest.

- I'll give you a ride.

I don't think

that's really the point.

Rule number three, hit the bar.

- Yeah!

- There's no better place

to hop on said train of regret

than a bar.

Rule number four,

and this is one of my favorites.

- This is a goody.

- Come back to the house

for a private viewing

of some of the local ballet.

I said no strippers.

That was the one rule I had,

was no strippers.

I lined it up

with a local agency.

Her name is Susan.

I'm sure she's very classy.

- Scotch-Irish, Joe.

- Susie.

- Okay, guys, look.

- She's clean, Joe.

Good. I imagine

they all are clean.

- She's clean, Joe.

- She's super clean.

Yeah. We think.

And rule number five,

the final rule,

the most important rule,

the reason why we're all here:

Wake up feeling so hungover

and guilty

that you never wanna be

a bachelor again,

and thus,

you're ready to be married.

Okay, look.

Guys, I really

just came down here...

- I wanted to tell you...

- No, wait, no, no, no.

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Joey Kern

Joseph Daniel "Joey" Kern (born September 5, 1976) is an American actor. He is most widely known for his roles in the 2003 films Cabin Fever and Grind. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Big Bear" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 9 May 2021. <>.

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