Big Ass Spider Page #3

---

Oh, yeah? What?

Look at this.

No, describe it. I'm

not going to look.

Oh, uh.

What?

The spider must've... oh,

he must've got inside

this guy's body and dug

his way out through

his lungs or his

stomach or something.

What?

Oh, my God.

Oh, poor guy.

How big did Carl say this thing was?

What did he say exactly?

Exactly?

Yeah.

Let me see. Uh, "He bit me, boss. He bit

me. " And then Lisa said "It was a doggie.

" He said, "No. " And then I said, "Maybe

it was a black cat. " He said, "No. "

"Then it's a monkey. "

He said, "No. " He said

it was like a spider but

bigger than a spide-

Maybe it was a spider monkey.

A spider monkey?

A spider monkey.

[SIRENS BLARING]

Ooh, what is all this? We already called.

It was a false alarm.

No, it wasn't.

Is that, like, Raid?

Raid? No. Raid is for housewives.

This is a very potent brew,

my own concoction of sticky acid. A few

drops on a termite hive, and it's history.

And it's eco friendly.

Oh, that's nice.

Okay, if you were a spider,

where would you be?

[ALEX MAKES SPIDER NOISES]

Oh, damn it.

What?

[JOSE SCREAMS, GASPING]

Yes, I know, but I thought

it was, you know, spider...

you were scared, too. Shut up.

Where's this vent go to?

Uh, through the building,

from the roof, all

the way down to the

basement machine room.

The machine room?

Yeah.

Where it's warm.

Ah.

Okay, Jose, get up there.

I'm not going to get up there.

Come on, man. You're a little guy.

Get in the vent.

I'm not going in there.

I'm kidding. Get my bag for me.

It's not funny, man. But, listen, are

you really going to go up there?

Yeah, that's what I do.

This is how I roll, man. There

is no bug that can outdo the Ex.

And besides, the bug

that we're dealing with?

Mm-hm.

Is a big bug.

Ah.

In my line of work, it's the little

bugs you've got to be scared of.

Oh, the little ones.

Yeah.

Oh, I hate little bugs. You know? I hate

gnats, mosquitoes, cucarachas of course.

I don't even like lady bugs. You

know, everybody likes lady bugs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I hate roly pollies, too. I

can't stand them. Chiggers:

Chiggers are, like, really bad

because they get under the skin.

Okay. Sorry, the one we're

looking for has a mean bite.

You've got a lot of

elderly, sick people, kids.

Let's do this for the kids.

Let's do it for the kids.

All right.

I'll be on channel two.

I'm going to need you

to talk me through the

entire vent, okay?

All the way through the building. Wanna

make sure this thing doesn't double back

and come back through this way.

Uh, wait a minute. I don't

have the sticky acid.

Yeah, but you've got the gun,

you've got the handcuffs, the mace.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes