Bicentennial Man Page #5

Oh.

May one, sir?

Is now a good time?

What? A good time for what?

-Last night, Sir taught one--

-No, no, no. Don-Don't blame me,

Andrew.Just go ahead.

Thank you, sir.

Two cannibals were eating a clown.

One turns to the other and says,

"Does this taste funny to you?"

How do you make a hanky dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

What is a brunette between two blondes?

Translator.

Do you know why blind people

don't like to skydive?

It scares their dogs.

A man with dementia is driving

on the freeway. His wife calls

and says, "Sweetheart,

I heard there's someone driving

the wrong way on the freeway."

He says,

"One? There's hundreds!"

What's silent, smells like worms?

Bird farts.

-[Laughing]

-It must have been an engineer

who designed the human body.

Who else would put

a waste processing plant

next to a recreation area?

A woman goes into a doctor's

office. The doctor says,

"Mind if I numb your breasts?"

-"Not at all."

"Num-num-num-num-num."

-[All Laughing]

-[Clears Throat]

-One did it, sir.

Andrew, it was fine, but

we might want to talk about...

appropriateness

and, um--and timing.

-It's 10:
15, sir.

-[Laughing]

[Humming Along]

-Oh, Andrew.

-Little Miss.

Would you like me to teach you

how to play a duet?

-Certainly.

-Come on.

Okay, ready? You start here,

and then just follow me.

-I play first, okay?

-All right.

Ready?

Your turn.

[Humming Along]

Good. Very good.

Now together.

[Humming Along]

[Ends]

That was wonderful. Thanks.

Thank you, Little Miss.

[Plays Ragtime]

Hi, Mom.

Grace, is it possible for you to find

somewhere more private to do that?

[Sighs]

No problem.

just give me your credit disc

and we'll get a hotel room.

-What did you say to me?

-Let's go.

What did you say to me,

young lady?

You get off that bike this minute,

and you are grounded!

-Get--Go on! Get out of here,

you piece of scum!

-[Laughing]

[Loud Ticking]

Richard?

Does this look right?

Hi, Mom.

-Didn't you talk to her about that boy?

-Mmm, well, not yet.

-Oh.

-But I will. [Clears Throat]

Kind-of hoping

it's a phase that'll pass,

-like the others.

-[Clocks Chiming Loudly]

[Chiming Continues]

[Chiming Ends]

I am so sick

of these damn clocks.

I've already given

half them away.

-Perhaps we should sell them.

-Sell them?

Well, it's an idea.

Well, who gets the money?

Well, I imagine we will.

But Andrew does

all the work.

-Yes, but Andrew's our--

-Then Andrew should get the money.

Andrew is a robot.

What conceivable use

would a robot have for money?

Robots don't go shopping.

Robots don't go on vacations.

Robots don't eat dinners

in fancy restaurants.

[Scoffs] I can't believe we're

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