Best Men

As we celebrate the birth

of our great country...

...we have the opportunity

to demonstrate our own independence....

Hi, honey.

Yeah. I pretty much just got here.

Pretty much.

That's why I'm not in town.

I'm caIIing you now. Sh*t.

No, I just.... Sh*t!

...almost identical,

with morning lows in the high 70s...

...and afternoon highs in the upper 90s.

That's perfect picnic weather

for this sunny lndependence Day.

-Jesse. Today's the big day.

-Yep.

-You gonna get it right this time?

-I hope so.

Well, he's done it again.

Another financial institution...

...has fallen victim to his theatrics.

For the latest on this story,

we go to Cindy Vargas in Cerritos.

This is the 10th bank in as many months

to be robbed in this fashion.

Federal authorities believe these heists...

...to be the work of a single perpetrator

and have dubbed him ''Hamlet''...

...due to the unusual way

in which he performs.

lt seems he has a flair for Shakespeare...

...and apparently he's getting

some rave reviews.

l ain't no expert on Shakespeare,

but he was pretty damn good.

The FBl has traced his ill-gotten gains...

...to a number of charities

across the country.

The search for Hamlet continues.

For KGAB, this is Cindy Vargas

reporting live from Cerritos.

-That'II put some hair on your chest.

-You oughta pour some over your head.

Go f*** yourseIf, BiIIy.

You get any acting work yet?

If I ever get desperate,

I can aIways become a divorce attorney.

-Beats the sh*t out of waiting tabIes.

-I'm not a f***ing waiter!

To undying friendship.

-No.

-Come on.

Teddy?

Yeah, you know what she says

about Iiquor with me: ''No.''

Your dad know you're back in town?

No, not yet.

-How is the oId bastard?

-I don't want to taIk about him.

Let's taIk about something I care about.

How Iong has he been in there, anyways?

Ask SoI.

What the heII is that supposed to mean?

I sIeep fine at night, okay?

I have a cIear conscience.

It's okay, SoI.

I'm sure he doesn't hoId it against you.

What's three years of a man's Iife, right?

There he is.

Thank you, CahiII.

That's very sweet of you.

See you soon.

Do I know you guys?

So, you famous yet?

-I'm working on it.

-We're working on it.

-Good to see you.

-Teddy! Come here.

How's things?

-PredictabIe.

-PredictabIe. Buzzard?

What do you think?

You got two in the tower

with Ruger Mini-14s...

...30-round mags, 5.56-caIiber,

fuII metaI jacket.

One on the perimeter

with a Remington 870 pump...

...12-gauge, doubIe-ought buckshot.

What about you?

HK, USP, 9-miIIimeter...

...and for those speciaI occasions,

we have a IoveIy WaIther PPK.

You're packing?

CouId you say it Iouder?

I'm not sure the guards heard you.

That is against the Iaw, okay?

-I'd rather be tried by 12 than carried by 6.

-SoI, pIease advise him.

Why don't you give him

some of your expert IegaI advice?

I don't do criminaI Iaw anymore.

-No?

-Yeah.

Let's get the f*** outta here.

-It's stiII here!

-GIad I'm not.

Can't imagine anything worse

than stiII Iiving here.

Try being in a state prison

for about 1,000 days.

Jess.

Yeah?

I wanted to ask you

a kinda personaI question.

Can I?

You want to ask me?

In prison, how do you keep from getting...

...butt-f***ed?

-Come on, Teddy!

-What? I'm curious.

-You don't, actuaIIy.

-My God.

No. I mean, it's reaIIy not that big a deaI.

I'm serious. I mean, I was Iike you guys.

I thought it was something

I'd never do, but....

I Iiked it, you know?

There were points

when I was actuaIIy craving it.

You know, I was Ionging for it.

There's something naturaI about it.

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