Behaving Badly Page #3

owe it to her to be ready.

- Sure.

- OK.

Come here.

Mmm. Does that feel good?

It feels good. It

feels really good.

You just raise your hand

if you have any questions.

My God. It's also really nice

to pay attention to the girls.

- To the what?

- The girls.

Yeah. Gentle.

Mmm... that's nice.

Mmm. I like that.

- Uh, Mrs Bender?

- Mm-hm?

I can't breathe.

Oh, it's OK, I'll

breathe for both of us.

Sometimes you look at

your life and say,

"I'm doing the best I can."

Other times, you have to

look at your life and say,

"I just f***ed my

best friend's mom."

But as I lay here the morning

after losing my virginity,

all I could think about was what

everyone would say if they knew.

You devil's spawn.

Nice one, son.

I want to see photos.

Does her p*ssy taste

like Seagram's?

No, I mean, it makes sense.

I mean, you guys hang

out, like, all the ti...

Oh, my God, his mom?

Jesus f***ing Christ!

You're a mother-f***er,

Rick Stevens.

I will never be your girlfriend.

Nina can't find out.

I'm gonna ask Nina Pennington out.

Right... you've had a boner for

her since the sixth grade.

She still doesn't

even know you exist.

Now's a good time to change that.

Doesn't change the fact she's

still dating Kevin Carpenter.

- Well, hello, gentlemen.

- Holy sh*t!

OK, I should probably

stop for a second

and give you the down-low

on Junior Dahmer here.

AW, f*** it.

- Hey, Karlis.

- So Nina Pennington, huh?

She is pretty, isn't she?

Don't you think you're setting

your sights a bit high there?

No. I mean, why not? I'm not

missing a toe or anything.

I like your bravado. It's cute.

Tell you what, what say I make

things a bit more interesting.

- Huh! Yeah, sure.

- Good.

I wager $1,000 that

you will not be able

to sign, seal and deliver

Nina Pennington.

Nobody's delivering

Nina Pennington.

- Sure I can.

- Fine.

- Fine.

- By Arbor Day.

Thanks for that unsolicited

stipulation, Billy.

So, two weeks. Is that a problem?

Nope.

Shake it, Rick. It's

creeping me out.

Oh, sh*t.

You made a bet with

a mobster's son.

Uh, a freshman just

got hit by a bus.

- Oh, whoa.

- Again? Cool.

Goddamn it. 1,000 bucks.

I'm a dead man.

- What the f***?

- Relax.

- You're having a holy vision.

- Who are you?

Saint Lola's the name. I'm the

patron saint of teenagers.

Don't bother looking me up

in the book of saints...

I'm unlisted.

A saint? What are you doing

in the boys' bathroom?

Old habits die hard.

You kind of look like my mother,

except with a camel toe.

I get that a lot.

Wait a minute, am I being punked?

You're being poped.

I'm here to help.

You're gonna help me score

with Nina Pennington?

It's not quite that easy.

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