Before I Go to Sleep Page #4

What do you say, Piglet?"

"I say, 'I wonder what's going

to happen exciting today?"'

- We have a child.

- Chris...

We have a child, a little boy, don't we?

Don't we?

Where is he?

- Come inside. Come inside.

- No. Where is he?

I can't talk to you

standing in the rain.

Why are you hiding him from me?

Where is my son?

- I'm not hiding. Come inside, please.

- Where is he?

- Would you just come inside now...

- No, I'm not coming inside!

Come here... Come here. Come here

and I'll tell you, I'll tell you.

- Come here.

- Where...

He died. We have a son

but he's dead. He died.

- No!

- He died. Please.

No!

Chris...

Chris, here. Come on.

How?

Meningitis.

How old?

Eight.

Adam died about three weeks

before his ninth birthday.

I keep these in the garage for safety.

There are some things it wouldn't

be good for you to stumble on

when you're by yourself, Christine.

Some things it's better

I explain to you.

This is Adam as a baby.

That's my baby?

Adam.

He would have been

about three months old there.

- When was he born?

- August 4th, 1999.

Adam.

Adam Thomas Lucas.

Beautiful.

"I am sick, please come home. "

Where was I?

In and out of hospitals.

- Chris.

- No.

I can't do it.

I can't do this, I'm so sorry.

Ben's been

through all this before.

His grief isn't new.

But it's new for me.

And it'll be new tomorrow.

And it'll be new the next day

and it'll be new the next day

and the next, and the next

and every day.

Every day for the rest of my life.

No!

His grief isn't new.

Mine is.

Mine is.

This isn't new for him.

His grief isn't new. Mine is.

Mine is.

And it'll be new tomorrow.

And it'll be new the next day

and it'll be new the next day

and the next and the next

and every day.

Every day for the rest of my life.

- Did you know about Adam?

- We've spoken about Adam.

Maybe Ben's right.

Maybe it's better I don't know.

Can we just sit here a while?

Of course.

Should I tell Ben?

About us?

About the therapy?

Was I a good mother?

I mean, before the injury.

You were a wonderful mother.

It must have been awful for him,

me not knowing who he was.

You loved Adam very much.

I understand why you would

hide this from me, I do.

And you've probably lived through this

more times than you can bear.

And I understand there must be days

when you say,

"I can't,

I can't go through this again. "

But if you care about this marriage,

and I have to assume you do,

never try to hide my son from me again.

I'm sorry.

Adam?

Mike.

Good morning, Christine.

It's Dr Nasch.

I'm a neuropsychologist

at University College, London,

and I've been calling you

every morning to remind you

to look for the camera

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