Bedazzled Page #4

one well, heavy on the onions."

Yes, I think I'm beginning

to get the picture.

- It all seems to be quite straightforward.

- Good.

All we need do now, then,

is get it witnessed.

Sloth would be best. He's a lawyer.

Come on now, Sloth!

Wake up, you idle, great slob!

Here, are all your staff like this?

That's the trouble. I can't get

any decent help these days.

God's laughing, of course.

All he has to do is raise

his little finger...

he's got a thousand sycophantic,

prissy angels at his beck and call.

I'm lumbered with Anger and Sloth.

Wake up, you lazy, legal layabout!

Get up! Wake up!

Here, well, this is Stanley Moon.

He's selling me his soul, and I want

you to witness it on this document.

I want you to do some writing.

That's your forte, isn't it?

Writing.

Where it says,"ln the

presence of," your signature.

Your name. Remember that one?

Y... Yeah.

Sloth.

S... I...

S... I...

O... T...

O... T...

T... H.

Right. Very nice.

Now it's your turn.

Um...

there's just one thing, though.

You're not having second

thoughts, are you?

No. But shouldn't I sign in blood?

Blimey, you are a traditionalist.

All right then.

Let's use some of his.

He'll never notice.

There we are. Help yourself.

Well done.

Welcome to the club.

- When can I get started on my wishes?

- Soon as you like.

And if, by any chance,

you become dissatisfied...

all you have to do is go...

Just go...

You just go...

This'll terminate your wish and bring

you back to me, wherever I am.

Here we are. "M."

Let's see, um...

Machiavelli, McCarthy,

Masoch, Miller, Moses...

- Moses?

- Irving Moses, the fruiterer.

Here's Moon. S. Moon.

That's you filed away.

Now then, what would you like

to be first? Prime minister?

Oh, no, I've made that deal already.

Um, I don't know, really.

It's just that I'm not

very good with words.

I didn't have very

much of an education.

And... And I'm a bit, um...

Uh...

Um, I'm just a bit...

Inarticulate?

Yes, that's it... I think.

And you'd like to be the sort of person

who can use words like "inarticulate"?

Yeah! I'd like to be able to talk to

Margaret and tell her how I feel.

An intellectual who can get his

ideas across to the one he loves.

Yes, that's it.

Easily done.

Now then, you just stand

over here by the bird...

put your right hand

on its left claw.

Okay, lights out!

Take this!

Ooh! Ooh!

Am I gonna explode?

No, no, it's quite safe. I just put it

there for a bit of visual excitement.

It's not gonna hurt, is it?

Not a bit.

Hold tight!

The magic words:

Julie Andrews.

I could stand and

watch them for hours.

They've such beautiful hands.

Mmm.

Such fantastic delicacy, you see...

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