Bastard Page #2

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- I hate when you do that.

- When I do what?

You ask me to tell a joke,

or tell a story, or ask a question.

- I hate the pressure.

- (LAUGHS)

Okay, no jokes, stories and questions.

That's not the point.

- Give me a second.

- Fine.

Anytime now.

Okay. Who was the only person Van Gogh

ever sold a painting to?

Really?

- You know I hate him.

- You asked.

He can Van Gogh f*** himself.

(LAUGHS)

Uh, can I get the painting name?

Red Vineyard at Arles.

Okay.

Um, can you use it in a sentence?

Uh, was it, uh, Luke?

- No.

- Right. Just f*** patrons.

Um...

I don't know. I give up.

- His brother.

- (CHUCKLES)

F*** that.

Dude had less logic than he did ears.

(SPEAKERS:
ROCK)

Jon.

I like Hazel.

I like Terry.

F*** Terry.

- Seriously. Terry's a good name.

- So is Luke.

No, Luke sounds way too much like "puke."

Babies vomit.

(CHUCKLES)

They also piss.

And if it's a girl,

she'll be bleeding soon enough.

I'm just happy to be alone with you.

Then why are you slowing down?

West, why are you slowing down?

I'm not gonna be rude. They look nice.

They can't be going too far.

- Do you know what irony is?

- I'm not inviting them to search the trunk.

All right?

Hey.

Hi, guys. Thank you for stopping.

No problem. Where y'all headed?

Uh, next town? Anywhere with f***in'

shade in a box, honestly.

Uh, we don't got a ton of room.

Well, we got, like, no stuff.

Just me, Betty, two packs.

- Yeah, man, hop right in. Come on.

It's a hot day. - Thank you.

(JAKE SIGHS)

So, what's your two's deal?

Newlyweds, man.

Whoa. Congrats, man. That's really big.

No, man, amazing is what it is.

Yeah, we formed a band

a few years back, you know.

I was smitten.

She thought I was a lazy a**hole.

- (BOTH LAUGH)

- You know?

But, uh, not much has changed...

except for the whole love thing.

Yeah.

More power to you, man.

All the joy.

How about a game of rock, paper, scissors?

So, what about you guys? What's your deal?

- Your partner's quite the talker.

- Oh, yeah. Betty.

She's pretty quiet,

but she's the smartest girl I know.

That's what I say, man.

Marry the most interesting chick you know.

- She ain't bad on the eyes either.

- Yeah.

So happy for you.

Guys, don't mind Hannah.

She's just a little salty I picked you up.

I mean, honestly, if we're imposing...

Dude, quit it. Seriously.

We're pulling into town now. Can't be

any worse off than that guy either.

- (JAKE LAUGHS) Oh, f***!

- Dude.

(HANNAH)

Some broad probably ruined his day too.

Michael.

- Michael.

- (MURMURS)

Wake the f*** up.

Michael. Get off the lawn, please.

I wanna come inside.

I know.

I heard you yelling last night.

And you ignored me?

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