Barely Legal Page #3

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gonna do it with, Jake.

And I'll probably do that guy Rod.

But, Sue, who are you gonna pick

to pop your Cherry?

It's easy.

I've known for the past six years,

ever since catechism.

What the f*** is catechism?

I think it's a baby panda wrapped

in peanut butter.

Oh, my soul mate.

Chris?

Sue, you, um, might want to think

about picking a backup.

- I mean...

- What? No. Chris is perfect.

He played Jesus in Jesus Christ

superstar last year at camp.

Plus his name is Chris. It's a sign.

Sue, the only sign is that Chris.

Has a major case of gay face.

What? He does not.

Anyway, there's no such thing

as gay face.

He looks just like Justin Bieber.

With a little bit of Zac Efron.

And just a hint of Ryan Seacrest.

Who the f***'s Ryan Seacrest?

Look, Chris is my soul mate.

Okay, well, sweet dreams.

See you in the morning.

I knew it would happen someday.

I just didn't expect

it to happen so soon.

You're so perfect.

I knew that's what it looked like.

Too bad no one could ever

compare to you.

Wow.

You are perfect.

Who are you?

Tomorrow's the day.

Oh, my gosh. They're coming.

Lexi! Cheryl! Hurry!

Eww. Why?

It's for jake to unwrap me.

It's gonna be really sexy.

I'm gonna surprise him.

You're gonna die of asphyxiation.

It's gonna be really sexy.

It's stupid. Just screw him.

That's what he wants.

That's what all guys want.

- Who hurt you as a child?

- Oh, Christ.

Can I wrap your mouth, too?

Anyway, what guys want.

Is someone who's sexy,

Not someone

they can just have sex with.

You're an idiot,

A very smooth,

plastic... Wrapped idiot.

- Thank you.

- Guys, seriously. Come on. Hurry up.

Oh.

Oh, what a cool bracelet.

I love it.

Um...

You should put that down,

though, 'cause it's like...

It's very fragile.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- Set it down.

- Yeah.

- Hurry up.

- Morning.

Those were your anal beads, right?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I thought so.

Oh, this party's hot.

Whoa. Hold up.

- Oh, we gonna Have some fun.

- Oh, attack of the wet t... shirts.

Nice.

Ah, gonna get... chair, chair, chair.

Happy birthday, Lex.

No. Joanna, we said no gifts.

That is lip poison to plump your lips,

but be careful. It stings.

And the other one is...

edible massage oil.

Oh, how do you know?

I'm gonna use both of these tonight.

Buster, you're such a cutie.

Please don't touch my service dog.

Right. Sorry.

Are you okay now?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

- Okay.

- See you later.

- Thank, okay.

I can't believe you haven't heard of it.

- This is crazy.

- Oh. Wait. I gotta...

- Jake. Hi.

- Oh. Hey, babe.

Happy birthday.

Oh, you didn't have to give me anything.

What? You want a beer?

No.

Oh, hon. Come here.

I have your present here.

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