
Bad Johnson
1
AH:
OK:
Wow
- You like that baby? - Oh I love it.
Oh Yea?
Yea?
Oh Shit!
Not what it looks like babe.
You're fucking my sister?
[Sighs]
You piece of shit!
Baby. Baby!
Don't "Baby" me.
I do.
AH!
Oh, my God.
Hi, Mrs. LeFebre.
What happened to your purity ring?
Oh!
I found it earlier.
Oh, dear God.
Look, Melissa, I am sorry.
I really am.
Oh, don't you touch her!
Okay. Okay.
I'm just going to grab
Uh... [Bell Dings]
My underwear. My underwear?
Um, don't. I don't need it.
I mean, I feel horrible.
I genuinley, actually, liked her.
I mean we could talk, we could laugh,
We cuddle. I mean we even
hated the same people.
It's always nice when you
hate the same people.
Is't it though? It's just not fun when you feel
like you're being judged for judging someone else.
Me and Emily made fun of an
It was wrong, but romantic.
I envy you guys.
Then stop fuckin' up a good thing.
This is the third relationship
you've ruined in the last year.
My DICK. The third relationship
my DICK has ruined.
You can't control your dick?
It's like babysitting a
nine year old with A.D.D.
I mean you try your best until
he just wears you down.
Then you just give him whatever the hell
he wants until his parents come home.
But. But! His parents never come home.
I can control mine.
Not to be a dick, but,
You're not presented with as many
"Ass Getting" opportunities as I am.
- Even if I were -What? - I'd Be -What?
You wouldn't, please, I know for a fact you beat it to Indian porn
when Emily goes to bed. - Even if I were -What? - I'd Be -What?
You wouldn't, please, I know for a fact you
beat it to Indian porn when Emily goes to bed.
- Ok don't act like you're above me.
- It's not fucking other people.
Ok. Hypothetical.
So, a HOT, green eyed Indian
girl walks up to you and
BEGS you to f*ck her.
And there was no chance that Emily
would find out. You would not do that?
No.
But you'd Want to right?
Isn't that just as bad?
No it's only bad if you follow through.
Whatever. Whatever.
I mean we're just a bunch of bees trying
to beat Biology. Boom. Case in point.
I will be back.
So.
What is your name sweetheart?
Carrie.
Carrie? Well I'm Rich.
I mean that's my name, although I'm
not struggling financially, so...
You don't remember me do you?
Uh..
Yes.
Of course I remember you. Yea, no,
we hooked up last September right?
And then you told me you loved me, and then your
Grandma died and then I deleted you from my phone.
[Group Clamor]
Oh my. Josh!
[Group Clamor]
Oh my. Josh!
Uh your testicles are in your stomach.
K [Clears Throat] All right. Is there
anything that you can prescribe?
Other than a cocktail of painkillers, no.
substain from masturbation and
Elevate the scrotum as often as possible.
What about sex?
Oh I wouldn't reccomend it.
Well what would happen if I did?
Well I can't be sure.
Your insurance wouldn't pay for it. [Laughs]
But seriously, no sex for six weeks.
Pregnancy tests are right over here.
Was there a special one you wanted?
I don't know. Which ones the best?
Well We've got plus-minus,
we've got blue-red.
And we've got crying baby-smiling woman.
- Plus-minus.
- Excuse me?
Plus-minus. Ya know, it's the easiest one to
manipulate if you don't like the results.
Yea but that doesn't get rid of the baby.
Well it will until you start to show.
Plus-minus.
You know it's not for me. It's for my friend. She
was too emabarrased to come here herself, so.
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"Bad Johnson" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 28 Feb. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/bad_johnson_3452>.