At Middleton Page #5

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No, I'm indicting the succubus

that body-snatched your soul

and is walking around

in your clothes today.

She just called me a succubus.

- Succubus?

- Listen to me, Audrey.

- Okay...

- No, Mom, you listen.

This is the beginning of

my Middleton experience.

And I'm not gonna let you ruin it.

I'm going here. I'm gonna

study with Emerson.

And you know what else?

I'm gonna finish.

Okay, what does that mean?

It means that I won't have to settle for

selling furniture the rest of my life.

Ooh!

I can't. I can't. No.

Oh, God.

Okay, you know what?

I'd say that you're behaving like

a five-letter word that

means "female dog."

Okay.

So, listen, when I was

in the library,

I happened to run into

the dean of students

who just volunteered

to give George and me

- a personal tour of the campus.

- What?

- Dean Pruitt?

- Yeah, in the flesh.

But what we're seeing isn't

on the regular tour, no.

You get to meet Middleton.

We get to feel her up.

- Really?

- Really.

So take your personal space.

Enjoy the cookie-cutter

tour with the Dingleberry.

And, you know, call me

when you need a ride home.

- That was very impressive.

- What?

The way you so convincingly

lied to your daughter.

Yeah? I'm not even warmed up.

Okay, guys, I can't help it.

At this point,

I've just got to tell you

some really great things

about Middleton...

- Hi.

- Oh, hey. What's going on?

- Audrey Martin.

- Hi. Conrad Hartman.

Parking lot earlier.

- Yeah, I remember.

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Nice to meet you.

- You as well.

So where is your mom?

Um, who cares?

What do you mean?

She seems pretty cool, for a mom.

Why didn't your morn make the trip?

You know, this is Dad's thing.

And Dad's thing's

really Mom's thing.

I guess he wanted it to be some

kind of bonding experience,

but I'm totally not feeling it.

It just seems all so feckless.

You said "feckless."

Yeah, feckless.

Yeah.

You know, maybe

Monkey Garden is right.

Maybe we'd do better on our own.

Are you advocating tour hooky?

- Yep.

- What do I tell Conrad?

Oh, you know, I don't know.

Just give him some space.

You know? Let him loosen his tie.

But this visit was my idea.

He's gonna think I flaked out on him.

He doesn't even have lunch money.

I don't think so.

You know, they're probably in class.

Look, we'll bring them right back.

- No.

- This is fate.

This is theft, Edith.

When was the last time

you rode a bike, George?

Yeah, my point exactly.

Now get on.

According to the Dingleberry,

we have a little over 100

breathtaking acres at our disposal.

You know? We need the speed.

Come on. We'll bring

'em right back.

Come on, Hartman!

Get the stick out of your ass!

Hey.

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