At Middleton

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1

I head east towards the city

And when the sun goes down

I'm heading home again

The city lights

have left me empty

They've replaced the stars

That used to shine so bright

But I will smile

And I'll keep you close

And when the sun breaks

In the morning...

It's a fanfare.

It's great... arrival music.

It's "Fanfare for a Son"...

a classic.

Dad, I caved on the shirt.

I'm not wearing the tie.

A young man in a tie

makes a statement.

What, that my father

dresses me in the morning?

Nobody wears ties to these things.

What?

Without the tie,

we're having the sex talk.

Oh, my God.

I need a six-letter word for llama.

- Llama?

- Yeah.

Vicua.

How could you possibly know that?

Give me another one.

Okay, um, feckless.

What's another word for feckless?

- Feckless?

- Yeah.

Honey, feckless is the other word.

Come on, it's nine letters.

It's getting cold

out on that big lake

And the water's painted blue

Don't let the skyline

fool you, baby...

- Mom.

- Yeah?

- You just missed the turn.

- No, I didn't.

You looked right at the sign that said

"Middleton Campus Not This Way."

I don't know what

you're talking about.

What is wrong with you?

You're gonna make me late.

It's pointless!

What's pointless?

The goddamn nine-letter

word for feckless.

Pointless.

Right?

Look, Con rad,

I know that Middleton

is not at the top of your list,

but just give it a chance.

Sometimes a place can surprise you.

I'm surprised no

one's wearing a tie.

Can't you just park head in, like most

every other driver on the planet?

I've told you before,

you have much better visibility

when you're exiting

a parking space...

Dad, you just got parked.

Hi. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Hi. Good morning.

- Hi.

- Good morning.

Uh, you took my spot.

I thought you were

pulling into that one.

No, I was gonna back...

you know, I was going to go like...

and then come in and back

into this one like that.

Ah, you're one of those.

- What does that mean?

- Look, it's a parking lot.

There's a space. Celebrate.

Celebrate?

Of course a guy who wears a bow tie

would back into a parking space.

Morn, just let it go.

Celebrate.

I bet you he irons his underwear.

I bet you he waits 30 minutes

after eating before swimming.

You know fuming is feckless, right?

Yeah, and I bet you he made

his boy wear that tie.

Oh, my God, let's go!

Of course she drives an

X5 with 40-inch wheels

because we all know how treacherous

these paved roads can be.

She had Colorado plates.

Yeah, well, God save the grizzlies.

All right, hey, everybody.

- Gather round.

- Here we go.

Hope everybody had a good

drive in, 10:
00 tour.

Okay, welcome to Meet Middleton!

First, let's meet Justin. Hi.

That's me. I'm Justin.

Great to meet you guys.

- Hi, Justin.

- I'll be taking you around today.

Let's just pass

these bad boys out...

a little brochure, a map of the campus,

know where we're going.

- Thank you.

- Okay, cool.

A couple things about me...

I'm a junior at the college

and a double major in

music and horticulture...

unfortunately known

as a dingleberry.

Thank you.

Um, we're gonna take

a two-hour tour,

after which we'll break for lunch.

And then we're gonna have

a pretty exciting thing.

You're gonna meet

the faculty member

from the department of your choice.

And by the time the

afternoon bell sounds...

you'll have fallen in love.

I guarantee it.

Well, all right, so let's get

this little tour bus on the road,

you rock stars.

Come on! Let's get going.

- They have a planetarium.

- It's an observatory.

- It's an observatory, chief.

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