Arthur Page #2

I owe you a call, don't I?

From January.

We dated three months.

You just disappeared.

When Houdini did it, it was fun.

Hmm.

Houdini was a conjurer.

He used to disappear.

- I understood the reference.

- I just thought it deserved more.

You know, you're the only man

I ever slept with who broke up with me.

- Really?

- Really.

Well, call me a romantic...

...but I believe

that dating should involve crazy things...

...like talking.

- Oh, ha, ha.

- What are we gonna do with you, Arthur?

- Release me into the wild.

Hunt me down with dogs.

Good luck with your mother.

Come in, Arthur.

Oh, hello. The future's now.

Hello, Vivienne. I remember you

from when I used to live in your womb.

Arthur.

Well, today, Arthur,

we're gonna have a friendly chat.

Then a serious talk.

And finally,

I'm going to offer you an ultimatum.

How does all that sound?

Like it would be improved by vodka.

So I hear you've been having fun.

Quite the contrary, actually.

I've been rather busy.

I've got a riding boot shoot and, uh,

I had a bit of a scare with Bitterman.

Thought he'd found a lump. Turned out

it was just his phone in his back pocket.

But worrying time nonetheless.

Well, that went very well.

Surprisingly warm. Our best chat yet.

I'm aware that our relationship

has never been ideal.

Mm...

No, please. Don't reproach yourself.

Yes, motherhood wasn't your forte...

...but you did provide me with

that lovable cloth monkey as a surrogate.

You know, sometimes I'm glad he's gone.

I'm gonna assume you mean Father

and not Mr. Tickles.

So that he never had to see this.

In fairness,

those two told me they were over 18.

And that they weren't men.

It's terrible the way you find out.

Who is this lovable rogue who's rough

around the edges, but with stars in his eyes?

What forgivable antics.

Who could be anything other than charmed

by this delightful individual?

- Congratulations.

- How can you squander...

...your considerable intelligence

on idiocy like this?

It's quite easy.

I don't consider it to be idiocy...

...rather a savantish gift

for defying death with fun.

That's your justification?

That's why you crashed a Batmobile?

Yes, it is. Are we done?

Sit down.

When the sole heir of a corporation as big

as ours gets arrested, it frightens investors.

The nonsense has to stop.

As the charming, coffee-colored gentleman

who runs this country said...

...the time has come

to set aside childish things.

I don't think

you can say "coffee-colored. "

So I've arrived at a solution.

- Susan Johnson.

- Interesting.

Dresses well.

Borderline personality disorder.

How is that a solution?

You're going to marry her, Arthur.

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